Single Mama NYC - Single Mom in The Big Apple

Pushing Your Past Out Into Your Future

2012-01-26T16:25:00.004-05:00

Belovodchenko Anton / Stock Xchng

I'm guilty of many things that are less than healthy (ice cream addiction, Oreo cookie addiction, couch addiction, etc.), but one of the most unhealthy things that I've always done and I am working on changing is the fact that I allow my past to cause me pain in the present, so much so that I sometimes end up pushing my past out into my future. What do I mean by that? I'll tell you.

We all find ourselves, at some moment or the other, thinking about a past love, or a past error we've made, or the regret of something we didn't have the courage to do, and felt the pain all over again. We are human, and even if we're really good at forgiving ourselves and moving on there is usually something that holds a particulary painful place in our memory, which when dredged up can cause us to feel that pain all over again. That is an utterly human thing to do, and as long as we don't dwell for too long and come to accept that what's done is done, there really isn't too much harm in that kind of wistfulness every now and then.

The kind of unhealthy, melancholy pensiveness I'm talking about is when you find yourself pushing those past experiences and feelings out ahead of you and using them as a shield in the subconscious hope that it will protect you from making the same kind of mistake in your future. That seems like a logical thing to do, except that it isn't. Not at all. You're thinking that you're protecting yourself, and that protection will take you to a pain-free future, except all that you're doing is taking the pain with you and pushing it out in front of you everywhere you go -- which, ironically, brings you into a pain-filled future. Look at the girl in the picture above. How far is she going to get, pushing that old lemon of a car out in front of her? Not very far, my friends. Not very far at all. And that's us, pushing all that pain out in front of us, thinking it'll keep us from making the same mistake in the future. It simply does not work.

This morning, as I found myself deeply pained by the memory of a love lost, I realized that I have spent the last 4 years in solitude, thinking that I was taking the time to focus on myself, but all the while I was pushing the past out into my future. Fearing having someone I love yet again tell me that I was no longer enough for them, I told myself that it was best if I stayed out of the love game altogether. And while I do sincerely love being single, and I want to continue to focus on myself, my goals, my role as a mom, and my emotional and spiritual growth, I don't want my loving being single to act as an excuse to keep pushing around my past pain into my future.

I'd bet, that if you look at your mental and emotional life, there might be a thing or two from your past (no matter how large or small), that you keep pushing out into your future. Is there a way that you can begin to release the grip you have on it, so that when you are ready to walk away from it completely you can do so without it feeling like you've given up a part of your very identity? I, for one, am going to make it my business to start mentally rewriting the story I've written about that one lost love, so that instead of it being an old broken-down car that I still push out in front of me (sadly thinking that it's actually getting me somewhere), that sad story merely becomes exactly what it is - just something that once happened, that no longer exists, that I do not need to bring with me anymore. I can leave that broken-down car on the side of the road and walk until I find a rest stop. Will that rest stop be inner peace? Self-acceptance? A new love? I don't know yet. I do know that whatever it is, I'll get there faster if I'm not pushing that beat-up ol' car out in front of me.

Wordless Wednesday

2012-01-25T10:00:00.001-05:00

An Interview With Avon Representative, Debbie Schooler

2012-01-23T09:39:00.002-05:00

Debbie Schooler, Camarillo, CA

As you know from my previous post, Avon is a company that has helped women earn income for over 125 years. For generations, women have turned to Avon to buy cosmetics, skin care, scents, and more - and for that same amount of time women have turned to Avon to help them earn money that has supplemented a main source of income, sometimes doing so well that it becomes their sole or largest source of income. Single moms often look for ways to make more money without compromising the amount of time we spend with our children, and selling Avon can be a great way to do just that. I had the opportunity to speak with single mom and Avon Representative, Debbie Schooler, about what it is like to have her own Avon business so that I could share it with you here.
Debbie Schooler, a single mother needing to financially support her family while still having time to spend with her four kids, decided to join Avon when her local Avon woman moved away. Despite having a full-time job, Debbie still needed extra income to help provide for her children in this difficult economy. With her Avon earnings she has been able to supplement her living expenses, her son’s surgery, and still have income left over that helped make the holidays extra special. Debbie loves being an Avon Representative because of the flexibility and high earning potential, but also because gaining new customers has become a family affair. Her son brings in new customers from his office, and her granddaughter helps her pack her orders. Together they have helped Debbie reach President’s Club within her first year of joining Avon.

Issa: What made you become an Avon rep?
Debbie: I had been trying to find a part-time job but couldn't find one that wouldn't involve me being away from my kids all day long. I had sold Avon products 15 years ago and stopped when having 4 children took up all of my time, but I decided to go back to it because it was only a $10 investment. Also, I love their products (especially their Glimmer Sticks eyeliner).

Issa: How has your Avon business helped your family?
Debbie: The extra money has helped me to make all of my ends meet, which can sometimes be difficult for single moms. When you have childrens, things are always coming up (trips, birthdays, etc.), and my Avon income helps me to to provide for them.

Issa: What do you think some of the fears or misconceptions are that may keep some women from choosing to become Avon Reps?
Debbie: I think people are afraid that they are bad at "selling", but Avon products sell themselves. Avon has been around for 125 years and they have built a very good reputation. I find that with the older generation especially, all you have to do is mention that you sell Avon and they will be interested in taking a catalog.

Issa: What are some things women should know about starting their own Avon business?
Debbie: Avon is a wonderful company to work for. They give you tools to help you be successful and are always finding ways to help you run your business well. They offer great website tools, and have an amazing training component called the Beauty of Knowledge, that helps you to set up invoices, sign up new trainees, and keeps you updated on new products.

Issa: How do you find customers?
Debbie: I find customers through my friends, family, the members of a dance club that I am in, and my son passes out catalogs for me at his job. You can always begin by branching out from the people that you already know, as well as places you frequent, like the bank, doctor's office, etc.

Issa: What is the biggest benefit of having your own Avon business?
Debbie: The biggest benefit of having my own Avon business is that I make extra money, of course. I also really enjoy what I'm doing, and that I can do it around my schedule in a way that works for me and my family. I really enjoy providing personal touches by dropping off my customer's orders to them so they feel that they have been given quality customer service. Doing what you enjoy while earning an income has been really great for me!

Thank you, Debbie, for sharing your time and insight with us!

*I have been hired by Avon to share their business, and the representatives that make the business possible, with my readers.

Wordless Wednesday

2012-01-18T16:46:00.000-05:00

Wordless Wednesday

2012-01-11T08:19:00.000-05:00

Why I Want To Be Fit

2012-01-10T16:19:00.000-05:00

Trish Parisy / Stock Xchng

I fell hard off the fitness wagon right after Halloween. Theo got sick and we were homebound for 2 whole weeks, and then I got sick, and then Theo got sick again (his class is filled with these extremely infectious creatures otherwise known as children), and with the both of us sick for so long I either didn't feel well enough to exercise or was just too tired to. It was the worst possible time to fall off the fitness wagon, of course, because it was during the holidays. I literally ate my way through the holidays, and didn't work out at all, so I gained a whopping 11.5 pounds. Yep, you read that right, ELEVEN AND A HALF POUNDS. When I got on the scale last Monday it said I was 167.5 pounds, and I almost wept. I felt like such a failure. After all of the hard work I'd done as a Lucille Roberts ambassador I felt like I went and failed myself big time. I know that many people gain during the holidays, and with Theo and I being so sick there was very little opportunity for me to hit the gym, but still - 11.5 pounds? It just felt like such a huge defeat.

Last week I started a 3-month job contract at an office. I work from 8:30 am to 5:30 pm, after which I race to pick Theo up from the sitter and bring him home to spend a little time with him before bath and bedtime begins. I know myself well enough to know that there would be no way that I would have the energy after such a long day to work out after 8 pm, when Theo is finally in bed. So, this week, after receiving my Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred DVD in the mail, I have been getting up at around 6 in the morning to work out before I start my day. Anyone who knows me in real life knows that I am not a morning person. Leave it up to me and I wouldn't crawl out of bed before noon, so the idea of waking up at six in the morning seemed like torture to me. I've done it for the past two days and, while I had to fight myself tooth and nail to get out of bed, once I'm out and my work out is finished I feel really good. And proud. I'm not kidding when I say that it takes a whole lot from me to get out of bed early, I'm the wait-until-the-last-minute kind of waker-upper. To get up 45 minutes early? To work out? This is huge sign of delayed onset of maturity in that department. And while it's only been 2 days, it feels like a huge accomplishment to me that I've done it at all. I want to keep this up, though, so I need to stay focused.

Last week, since I knew I wasn't going to be able to work out, I was so uber careful with what I ate, that I managed to lose 4 whole pounds in a week! Can I just say how much that goes to show that I was eating really super-fattening foods (and way too much of them), for the last 2 months if I could lose 4 pounds in one week just by eating healthy foods in normal, human-sized portions? As of yesterday I'm down to 163.5, so I know that I am back on the right track now. The weight loss will probably slow down to about 1 to 2 pounds a week from here on out, which I'm fine with. By the time my birthday in May comes along I'd like to fit into a dress that makes me look hot as hell for a 39 year old. Dear God...I'm going to be 39. ...sigh...

Anyway, the biggest reason I want to be fit is so that I am healthy and here for many decades to come. I want to be healthy enough to fully enjoy my life while I have it. I also want to look good, let's not lie, but it's more about feeling good. When I work out I feel good, not just physically, but I feel good about myself. That I did something for Issa - because she matters, too. So, here I am, back in the fitness saddle. Again. And while I am a little ashamed that I ever fell off of it to begin with, the most important thing is that I keep getting back on. Fitness is for life, and I'm going to keep at it. For life.

Simplicity

2012-01-09T16:00:00.000-05:00

Cozgrl05 / Stock Xchng

I realized today that I have wanted many things over the course of my life. Some of these things didn't come true (or haven't as yet), and the things that have come true never seem to happen without some sort of drawback to them. It seems like the old adage. "Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it", rings true in my life, and that can feel frustrating sometimes. If it rings true in your life it must feel frustrating for you as well. Wanting something so very much and then finally getting it, only to have it entangled with things you neither expected nor wanted, can be hugely anti-climactic. Adjusting your perspective to one of gratitude that your desire came to fruition at all, while necessary, can be hard to do at times.

As I get older, I put more and more value on the role of simplicity in my life. I'd like for my desires to come true simply, clearly, without all of the added baggage that comes with it (like spending 13 years dealing with infertility only to finally get pregnant and ending up doing the whole thing all by myself. Or finally becoming a writer like I always wanted but having to live a mostly bare-bones life because of the financial instability of being a freelance writer). I'd like for wishes to come true exactly as I envisioned them! Every time! Except, that rarely ever happens in real life, does it? I suspect that there are reasons for that, but I'm not quite enlightened enough yet to know what they are so I won't even sit here and try to figure them out. What I do feel sure of is that I eventually learn from it all. It may take me longer than I'd like, but I am constantly learning from my life, and from what transpires within it. I am grateful that I am able to see the lessons in my life and grow from them. What I'm learning lately keeps coming back to simplicity.

The entire world has gotten downsized since 2008. "Wants" have gotten smaller, and "needs" have been re-examined as well. I think beyond most people's desire for simplicity is a real need for it, as the world's resources have gotten smaller and smaller. My own needs have been scaled back to a minimum and I'm more than okay with that. There are certain things I'd like for my son, mostly educational and cultural enrichment needs, that I hope to provide for him, but beyond that I live a fairly simple life in comparison to the upscale New York City lifestyle I had prior to September 2008. I don't miss that lifestyle much, mostly because I am the single mother of a 4 year old and my whole life revolves around him and writing. There's very little energy left (none at all, actually), for going out and being fabulously social. I also don't miss it much because I have made my inner life match the simplicity of my outer life. You don't need much more in life than a roof over your head, food in your belly, clothes on your back, the people you love most in your life, and coffee (no, seriously, coffee is an utter necessity for me. Seriously, I'm not kidding). Paring down my life to the bare minmum has allowed me to see what is truly a "need", and to realize that because those needs are being met, I can free up mental energy to do the things that matter: parent my son, write, and be with the people I love most. There is still the part of me that wants expensive luxuries. There is still the part of me that wants to travel the world in style. There is still a part of me that wants a lot of things. Bringing simplicity into my life, though, I realize that I am fortunate beyond measure for what I do have, and I am grateful right where I stand.

The next time a wish comes true, and it doesn't turn out exactly how I imagined it would, I know I will probably still be highly annoyed. Hey, I'm human. I will, however, be able to move past the disappointment and acknowledge that at least my needs are being met. I can stand in a place of gratitude, of positivity, and simply be. Teaching Theo to reach for the stars while being firmly grounded in reality will be a gift that we can both use to grow simple, happy lives.

When An Old Friend Passes Away

2012-01-06T09:44:00.000-05:00

Sometimes when you haven't seen an old friend you were close to in a very long time, you are tempted to think that they fill only the spaces in your mind and heart that are comprised of memory. Not so. I found out on Tuesday that an old friend I was very close to passed away, and it has broken my heart. Wide open. I hadn't seen this friend for 13 years. Doesn't matter. When I learned of his illness in November I reached out to him and his words to me confirmed what I was feeling as well, "Hearing from you really meant a lot for me. I love you. Always have.". Just typing those words is making my hands sweat and my heart race. His loss is an enormous one for his family, the community he served with such passion, and the friends he saw on a regular basis. And yet, while we hadn't seen each other in a very long time, I feel his loss, too. I'm surprised at how much so, actually. I think it is just proof that when you love someone, it doesn't matter how long goes by without seeing each other. When you love someone, that love remains eternal. It doesn't go anywhere just because they do. I don't think love knows past or present, it just is. It just is.

I love you, Rob. Always have.

A Mindful New Year

2012-01-03T12:46:00.002-05:00

Happy New Year!

As you can tell, I took a brief vacation from writing on this blog. It was a break I desperately needed. Over the last few months, I realized that my stress levels were at an all-time high, for several different reasons, and while I find writing (especially here on my blog), extremely therapeutic, I also was starting to feel a bit "burned out" by all of the things I "have to" do in my life. I needed some time to pare things down to a minimum so that I could recharge my depleting battery, and so that I could spend as much time with my boy as possible.

One of the things that I realized over this holiday vacation is that I still have so much past mental and emotional conditioning that I need to undo, and I am now more committed than ever to being present and mindful in all that I do, but especially as I parent Theo, so that I am not bringing old wounds to the way in which I interact with my boy and my life. Sometimes we think patience with our children is what matters most, when really it is having patience with ourselves that goes even further. Giving myself the emotional nurturing I may not have gotten as a child will help me to see how best to provide that to Theo. Letting go of some of the outdated and non-useful ways in which I react to things will give me the inner patience I need to stop reacting, and to actually start meeting the needs of the situation. I know I won't always be able to be mindful, that sometimes being preoccupied and harried and stressed will take over, and that having full presence of mind will be absent at times. I'm not striving for perfection. What I am striving for is more mindfulness. more presence, more peace. I am striving for more control over how I interact with my life and those in it. I'd say that's a pretty good way to start a new year!

If you can do one thing for yourselves as a New Year's resolution, perhaps you can look at the ways in which not being fully present is allowing your "automatic pilot" to bring unhappiness into your life. If you are mindful of being present - there, in the moment, and not with your problems, or stressors, or preoccupations - then you can continually bring what is needed to the moment, instead of merely reacting. Reactions rarely, if ever, bring about new solutions, because often they stem from what happened last time. You are not actually there, dealing with what is, from a place that is present. I will be doing my best to focus on being fully present, and bringing myself back to the moment in which I find myself if my mind and/or emotions begin to wander. I am still learning this process. I may always be learning it. Mastering presence may take a lifetime. I am committed to keep learning, though. Why don't we learn together?

Wordless Wednesday

2011-12-21T12:19:00.001-05:00

Wordless Wednesday

2011-12-14T23:02:00.000-05:00

A Mother's Love

2011-12-13T12:48:00.001-05:00

Theo and I, November 2007

Sometimes, when things get dark, heavy, or scary, when circumstances conspire to break you, the only thing that can get you through is the love that you have for your child. I am so grateful that the love I have for my Theo sees me through any and all pain. While it might not be enough to make me invincible, while I may still hurt and cry, my love for my baby will make it so that I will never stop fighting, never give up, never back down. I love him more than I love anything else in this world, even more than I love running away from pain. I will face anything if it means taking care of my boy, giving him the love and security he needs, and providing him with a foundation that will serve him well for the rest of his life.

Here's to the single mamas out there that wake up every day, knowing the day may bring hardships, and face the day anyway, because a mother's love trumps all.

Thinking Of Dating Again? Make Sure You Check Out Bedsider.org

2011-12-09T17:10:00.003-05:00

Stefan Vasilev / Stock Xchng

Having children is a blessing. I only have one but I know that no matter how many a mother has, she loves them all, each in their special way. I also know, though, that when a mother has all of the children she wants, the idea of an unplanned pregnancy can be extremely troubling. I’ve always known that I’d be a one-child Mama, and even if I were to find my “Prince Charming” I’m positive that I don’t want any more children. Prince Charming better have kids of his own that he’s actively involved with because he ain’t getting any from me!

Dating and being sexually active again hasn’t been something for which I was ready for a long time. I know that it will happen soon, though, because I can feel myself wanting to at least give it a shot. I’m not going to stay in a dating cave forever; I still look pretty good for my age, darnit!!! When I do start dating again it’s going to be important that I protect myself, first from the diseases out there that could compromise my health, but also from an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy. Since it’s been so long since I’ve had to worry about either of those things, I’m glad that I’ve been made aware of Bedsider.org. Bedsider.org is a site where women can research, compare, and decide upon the best method of contraception for themselves. The thing that I find really awesome about this site is that you can set up birth control reminders that text your cell phone so that you can stop forgetting to take the pill! That definitely used to be an issue for me. You can also schedule appointment reminders on the site for yourself, watch videos of other women talking about their own personal experiences, and view animated short films that debunk the myths about birth control that can sometimes keep women away from using them. There is even a tool that helps you find health clinics near your zip code that can help you to get low-cost (or even free!) birth control. Bedsider.org is a great resource, and I’m glad I know about it now.

If you are thinking about getting back out there, or if you’ve met someone you are thinking about becoming intimate with, you should definitely go on over to Bedsider.org. Even if you’d like to have more children some day, you should get to be the one to decide when. Having control over your reproductive choices is one of the many ways we can be good to ourselves and the children we already have. And knowing that we have the power to make these choices goes a long way toward empowering ourselves to take control of our lives. And as single mamas? We deserve one less thing to worry about.

You can find more information regarding Bedsider.org on Youtube http://bit.ly/BS_YT, Facebook http://on.fb.me/BD_FB, and Twitter http://bit.ly/BD_Tweet.

*I was selected for this paid campaign by Latina Bloggers Connect. All opinions are my own.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-12-07T07:45:00.000-05:00

An Interview With Avon Representative, Christina Williams

2011-12-06T23:56:00.001-05:00

As you know from my previous post, Avon is a company that has helped women earn income for 125 years. For generations, women have turned to Avon to buy cosmetics, skin care, scents, and more - and for that same amount of time women have turned to Avon to help them earn money that has supplemented a main source of income, sometimes doing so well that it becomes their sole or largest source of income. Single moms often look for ways to make more money without compromising the amount of time we spend with our children, and selling Avon can be a great way to do just that. I had the opportunity to speak with single mom and Avon Representative, Christina Williams, about what it is like to have her own Avon business so that I could share it with you here.

Christina Williams and her children

Christina Williams joined Avon as a means to provide for her family as a single mother and a military veteran. Christina struggled to find a job when she was released from the military; her pay was cut in half and she needed a way to support her family financially while having a flexible work schedule. With her Avon earnings, Christina has been able to give her children many opportunities they may not have otherwise had. With her children helping her to pack all of her orders, Christina has quickly risen to Unit Leader and has recruited many people to join Avon as well. Christina takes pride in being associated with a company that supports breast cancer and domestic violence awareness.

Issa: What made you become an Avon rep?
Christina: Being in the military meant I had spent a lot of time away from my family and I felt as if I had missed so much, so it was essential for me to find a way to spend more time with my children. I am now a full-time student, so it was important that I earn an income in a way that allowed me to spend as much time with my family as possible.

Issa: How has your Avon business helped your family?
Christina: Avon has provided an extra income while I also get to go to school full time. My Avon business also allows me to spend time with my children. My children help me fill my orders, and I love seeing how excited they get when they see the boxes of Avon products arrive. Filling my orders is something that we have fun doing together as a family.

Issa: What do you think some of the fears or misconceptions are that may keep some women from choosing to become Avon Reps?
Christina: I think people are afraid that you have to put up a lot of money to get your Avon business started, but the start-up cost is only $10! With such a small investment there was really no reason for me not to at least try it out.

Issa: What are some things women should know about starting their own Avon business?
Christina: Starting your own Avon business is work, and you get out of it what you put into it. Avon gives you many resources, though, that if put to use will help you to be successful. With your own website, blog, and widgets, you can get the word out about your business. They also provide you with a web office to help you keep important data all in one place such as customer information. Going to monthly district meetings also helps me to keep abreast of any new initiatives going on, as well as allowing me to talk to senior Avon reps who are always willing to offer good advice.

Issa: How do you find customers?
Christina: My customers come from the usual places like my family and friends, but I also tend to strike up conversation a lot because I'm a mom. So, when I'm at the playground or at the doctor's office it's easy to mention that I sell Avon in conversation. I also ask my family and friends to drop off catalogs at their jobs, so that helps as well.

Issa: Do you have a favorite product that you would buy even if you weren't an Avon Rep?
Christina: The Anew Genics skin cream is amazing. I use it every day.

Issa: What is the biggest benefit of having your own Avon business?
Christina: The biggest benefit is definitely having more income and more time with my family, but I also find that one of the biggest benefits is how empowering it can feel to run your own business, to watch yourself stretch and grow to meet your goals, and how good it feels to empower others to grow toward achieving their goals. I love working with people and meeting people that I'd normally probably never get to meet if it weren't for my business. The personal connections I have made with my customers have been wonderful.

Thank you, Christina, for sharing your time and insight with us!

*I have been hired by Avon to share their business, and the representatives that make the business possible, with my readers.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-11-30T16:03:00.001-05:00

Announcing The Lucille Roberts Membership Giveaway Winner!

2011-11-29T15:20:00.000-05:00

May I have a drumroll, please?

The winner of the Lucille Roberts FREE 6 month membership giveaway is Nancy Horn!

Congratulations, Nancy! I am absolutely positive that 6 months at Lucille Roberts will do wonders for your fitness level, as it has done wonders for mine!

I will be contacting you via email with further details.

Enjoy!!!

Wordless Wednesday

2011-11-23T10:04:00.002-05:00

Deprogramming, or, When They Come Back From Dad's

2011-11-22T09:31:00.016-05:00

Katherine Evans / Stock Xchng

When I first heard the term "deprogramming" used for the period of time after a child returns home from being away at their other parent's house, it struck me as odd because it called to mind what psychiatrists do to someone who has been in a cult. Over the past 9 months, however, I have learned exactly why it is called deprogramming. I was a solo mom for almost three and a half years, and it wasn't until this past February that Theo had his first overnight visits with his dad, one weekend a month. That first weekend was extremely difficult for me, and while I have grown calmer and more accepting of this new reality I still contend with a great deal of anxiety while he is gone for that weekend. Sometimes I go out with friends, sometimes I have a sleepover at a girlfriend's house, and mostly I try to keep myself as busy as I can, but I never breathe easy until my boy is back home with me.

The interesting thing is that I thought it would feel easier once he was at home on Sundays, and I do feel less anxious, but that's when the hard work begins. Once he is home the hard work of deprogramming him of the behaviors he has picked up at his father's house that are unacceptable in ours begins. He has a 8-year-old half-brother whom he idolizes, but who unfortunately displays behaviors that I do not find at all acceptable in our home. Theo comes back in need of a serious reminder of what is acceptable here and what isn't, and the resulting defiance, tantrums, and meltdowns are hard on us both. I find that I often need to remind myself to be very patient, telling myself that he is only 4 and that this has got to be very confusing for him. He is trying to sort out very disparate realities, and that can sometimes be hard for an adult much less such a young child. I have certain standards for him that I will always maintain, but I need to be patient about him remembering what they are after an exciting weekend at a home that is much more liberal in its parenting than ours is.

Being consistent, being very loving and affectionate but firm, and reminding myself to be patient is the framework for the deprogramming that goes on in our house for the week after he returns. Constantly reminding him of what is okay in our home and what isn't can be frustrating at times, but the consistency is cementing a foundation that he, despite all appearances to the contrary, thrives on and that feeds his feeling of safety and security. I can also temper my frustrations at his having picked up behaviors that I dislike by reminding myself that exposure to very different homes will help him to be a very well-rounded and versatile person in the long run. He will be well-versed in how to act accordingly no matter where he finds himself. Like I've said before, I must remember that in my desire to protect my son that I do not rob him of precisely the experiences he came here to experience. It is my job to help him process things in life, not to be an obstacle to experience.

Do you have certain things that you do to help ease the transition your child(ren) must make between households?

Wishing You A Very Curious Thanksgiving!

2011-11-21T15:26:00.002-05:00

I was one of "those moms" who delayed exposing her kid to media early on. He only just started watching TV last year (and he's 4 now), and I waited until this year until letting him see his first full-length film. For his first film ever I chose Curious George and I am really glad that I did. Wholesome, extremely appropriate, sweet, and funny (not to mention not at all scary), Curious George was the best choice I could've made for Theo's first film-watching experience. We became big Curious George fans in my house, and now that he watches TV he loves the sow on PBS KIDS as well.

This Wednesday, November 23, PBS KIDS will feature the broadcast premiere of the original Curious George movie, which will air as part of the CURIOUS GEORGE Holiday Spectacular. The Holiday Spectacular will be a three-movie on-air event that will kick off with Curious George, featuring the voices of Will Ferrell, Drew Barrymore and Dick Van Dyke, as well as the music of Jack Johnson, followed by Curious George 2: Follow That Monkey, and then Curious George: A Very Monkey Christmas. Encore presentations of the Holiday Spectacular will air on PBS KIDS throughout Thanksgiving weekend.

I'm happy about this because I know that before (and after) we watch some of the MACY'S Thanksgiving Day Parade, we will be able to sit back, have a cuddle on the sofa, and watch an old favorite of ours as well as get excited about watching two movies that will be new for us, and that I am sure we will love. The great thing about the Holiday Spectacular being a marathon is that if we miss any of the movies because of interacting with company and eating delicious food, we can be certain that they will play again at some point so that we won't miss the Curious George fun.

If your family are Curious George lovers, be sure to check your local listings to see which PBS station in your area will be offering this family-friendly marathon.

And as always, I wish you a very Happy Thanksgiving - from my family to yours!

*PBS KIDS revealed their upcoming Holiday Spectacular event at a media luncheon at which I was in attendance. No compensation was provided to me to share this information with the readers of this blog.

Single Moms Sundays Series, Featuring Erin McGillivray

2011-11-20T09:29:00.002-05:00

*Single Moms Sundays is a series of guest posts by single moms that will serve to demonstrate the varied experiences and circumstances that shape and color a community filled with diversity.

The Super Simple Single Mom’s Guide to Painting Your Nails

By Erin McGillivray

This foolproof manual has been tested and retested by a single mom of an 11-month-old baby girl.

Step 1: Prepare bottle. Give to baby.

Step 2: Plead with baby to take a nap.

Step 3: Implore the naptime fairy come visit baby.

Step 4: Bribe baby if baby does not take a nap rightthissecond.

Step 5: Put baby to sleep.

Step 6: Make sure baby is really asleep.

Step 7: Confirm that baby is in REM sleep.

Step 8: Pee.

Step 9: Wash hands.

Step 10: Finish your coffee.

Step 11: Pee.

Step 12: Wash hands.

Step 13: Check on baby. Verify REM.

Step 14: Search for nail file.

Step 15: Check toy box for nail file.

Step 16: File nails. Not pointy. Short and blunt.

Step 17: Pee.

Step 18: Wash hands.

Step 19: Locate bottom coat nail polish.

Step 20: Find bottom coat in the stroller’s basket.

Step 21: Update the Twittersphere on your nail-painting venture.

Step 22: Pee.

Step 23: Wash hands.

Step 24: Check on baby. Avoid squeaky spots of the floor. (Snoring is a good sign.)

Step 25: Update Facebook about how you are about to paint your nails and how it is “gonna look soooooo goooooood.”

Step 26: Paint bottom coat.

Step 27: Walk around house waving hands in the air (like you just don’t care).

Step 28: Check to confirm that bottom coat has dried.

Step 29: Pee and wash hands (combine both into one swift motion). Decide to just leave pants off. Don’t want to smudge bottom coat.

Step 30: Choose nail color.

Step 31: Write out everything on your agenda in the next week. Week and a half. Better make it two weeks (not sure if willing to go through this process again before that). Confirm that chosen nail color is appropriate for all activities for two weeks.

Step 32: Open baby’s bedroom door. Attempt to climb on the wall so as to avoid squeaky floor.

Step 33: Fall on the squeaky part of the floor.

Step 34: Shush baby back to sleep.

Step 35: Make more coffee.

Step 36: Drink more coffee.

Step 37: Check on baby. Crawl across the floor this time.

Step 38: If baby is snoring, continue to Step 39. If baby is awake, scrap nail painting plans, pack up baby’s things, and drop baby off at grandma’s.

Step 39: Pee/wash hands. Keep pants off.

Step 40: Look for Macbook.

Step 41: Put pants back on.

Step 42: Locate Macbook under step stool in kitchen.

Step 43: Go to Google.com.

Step 44: Type in: “nail salon walk ins”

Step 45: Call baby’s grandma. If skipped Step 38, arrange that grandma come over immediately. If completed Step 38, tell grandma that this arrangement should have been made ages ago and will become a weekly tradition.

Step 46: Decide you should probably get a pedicure too.

Step 47: Vow to never attempt to paint own nails again.

(After all, you deserve some mani-pedi pampering.)

Though she has relocated back to Minneapolis, Erin's heart decided it was better suited for Manhattan. Now, as a single mom to gorgeous 11 month old Alayna, she keeps her sanity by writing and drinking buckets of coffee.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-11-16T08:44:00.000-05:00

Tendrils Of Depression

2011-11-15T11:44:00.001-05:00

Patrice Dufour / Stock Xchng

If you've ever suffered from depression, you know that when it recedes it is like you've been given a lifeline, a way out of the murky waters in which you've been treading like mad to keep afloat. The relief you feel that it has abated can sometimes, though, be undercut by the fear of its return. For some of us, it never truly goes away, it has become part of the ebb and flow of our lives and we know it is never truly gone, per se. Just gone for now.

When I first admitted here that I suffer from depression I was scared. Here I am, a life coach, suffering from depression? I felt like such a fraud, and it kept me blog silent for a very long time. Even in my "real life" I had only shared my depression with a very select number of people because of my own shame, fears of not being taken as a valuable resource as a friend and life coach, and the knowledge that people can sometimes be heinously judgmental and cruel about mental health issues. I'm glad I finally had the courage to share it, though, because all I have ever gotten is kindness and support, and if someone judged me cruelly for it they were at least kind enough to keep that crap to themselves.

The biggest reason I am glad that I shared my struggles with depression, though, is because I was overwhelmed by the many Twitter messages, emails, and comments detailing how much they appreciated me coming out about it because it helped them feel less ashamed. If someone as strong and powerful as I seemed to be can suffer from depression, then maybe it wasn't something to be ashamed of after all, was the message I kept getting over and over again. The email that was most precious to me was the one in which a single mom shared that she had been struggling with depression for years, silently, alone, afraid to take any action about it because of how others might view her. After reading my post, and listening to me talk on Twitter about how depression is not a character flaw, she had the courage to finally seek professional help. The tears I cried reading that email were such cleansing tears, and I knew then that I was still a damn good life coach - not despite my depression, but because of it. I realized that because I knew the darkness some people endure, and I knew I could talk to them in a way that spoke of understanding and compassion, I could help others in a way that was authentic and valuable. Coming from a place of "we" instead of "you" can make all the difference in the world to someone who is hurting, whatever the cause of their pain.

Lately I have been feeling tendrils of depression returning. There have been minor triggers, yes, but mostly I just have faulty brain chemistry. My serotonin dips too low at times and depression creeps in. It scares me, because I know the pain it brings. I'm stronger now than I have been during previous episodes, though, because I no longer feel that I have to hide this "flaw". Do people with diabetes have to hide the fact that their pancreas cannot regulate insulin properly? Of course not. Now, I can be honest and open about my brain not regulating serotonin well, and in doing so not add guilt and shame to an already challenging state of mind. I'm also stronger now than I have been during previous episodes because I know that my pain is not in vain. I am mostly at my strongest when I am supporting others, and if I know that the tools I am learning to use to cope with depression will help others in the future then I am deeply comforted by that.

No matter that these tendrils of depression threaten to infiltrate my life, they will no longer consume me. I am stronger than that now. I always was, actually, I just didn't know it then.

Single Moms Sundays Series, Featuring Aimee B.

2011-11-13T11:16:00.001-05:00

*Single Moms Sundays is a series of guest posts by single moms that will serve to demonstrate the varied experiences and circumstances that shape and color a community filled with diversity.

Solitary Classifications
By Aimee B.

I'm a strong believer in the notion of do into others as you wish to be done into you. I recently read a blog post talking about how some parents "feel" like a single parent. I skimmed through the 117 comments and my blood boiled. I vented on twitter a bit, re-centered, and will hopefully put how it feels to hear this as a single parent.

We all have feelings. I feel fulfilled, I feel lonely, I feel excited, I feel smothered, I feel loved, I feel unappreciated, I feel taken advantage of, I feel stressed, I feel peaceful, etc.

CEO of MTV is not a feeling. Widow/widower is not a feeling. African American is not a feeling.

Marriage is not a feeling.

Single parenthood is not a feeling.

The funny thing is, I don't see our culture accepting anyone claiming to feel like a widow, or a CEO, or as someone of a different race/ethnicity than their own. However, "feeling" like a single parent seems to be perfectly acceptable to voice.

Let's take a step back and break this down:

Being a single parent is not an emotion. What emotions are really being felt when someone may say they feel like a single parent? Perhaps unappreciated, loneliness, anger, resentment, exhaustion, helplessness, stress, unhappiness, depression, am I missing anything?

Read that list again.

I feel unappreciated.

I feel lonely.

I feel angry.

I feel resentful.

I feel exhausted.

I feel helpless.

I feel stressed.

I feel unhappy.

I feel depressed.

I cannot deny feeling those things in some degree at various moments. However, those negative emotions do not define my current role as a single parent.

When people interchange negative emotions with the title of single parenthood, they are calling me all of those things.

I am not all of those things.

I am happy.

I am content.

I am appreciated.

I am fulfilled.

I am excited.

I am confident.

I am strong.

I am loved.

When I am having an off day, having troubles with my child, or with co-parenting, or at work, with family, etc, I don't exchange those emotions in those moments and announce that "I'm having a dysfunctional loveless marriage day."

Call what you feel by it's name, not my name.

I am a single parent. I am not your laundry list of negative emotions.

Aimee is a museum educator, creatively starved artist, soon to be 30yr old #aims30before30, & J's soccer/wrestling [semi-single] mum. You can find Aimee at http://msaimeeb.wordpress.com/.

An Interview With Avon Representative, Haizel McIntyre

2011-11-10T11:18:00.002-05:00

Avon is a company that has helped women earn income for 125 years. That's right, over a century; can you believe it? For well over a century, women have turned to Avon to buy cosmetics, skin care, scents, and more - and for that same amount of time women have turned to Avon to help them earn money that has supplemented a main source of income, sometimes doing so well that it becomes their sole or largest source of income. I know that as single moms we often look for ways to make more money without compromising the amount of time we spend with our children, and selling Avon can be a great way to do just that. I had the opportunity to speak with mom and Avon Representative, Haizel McIntyre, about what it is like to sell Avon products to share the "inside scoop" with you here.

Haizel McIntyre

Haizel is a mother of three who works full-time for the New York City Department of Education. She began her Avon business in June of 2008, and she shares with us here a little bit about what it means to her to be an Avon Rep:

Issa: What made you choose Avon as opposed to other direct selling businesses?
Haizel: The thing that was most obvious to me is that Avon sells itself. The name has been around for so long and everyone knows they have high-quality products. My customers love the products so much that when I started graduate school I thought about giving up my business to free up the time to concentrate on my studies, and my customers wouldn't let me! I knew then that this was something I would stick with for a very long time.

Issa: How has your Avon business helped your family?
Haizel: Avon helps me to have an emergency fund, pay for my children's extracurricular activities such as football and dancing classes, and it helps me pay for my textbooks at graduate school. Just the other day a family member asked for a small loan and I was able to give it to her with no problem because I have extra funds thanks to my Avon business.

Issa: What do you think some of the fears or misconceptions are that may keep some women from choosing to become Avon Reps?
Haizel: I think women tend to think that they won't have enough time to sell Avon, but because there is no quota and you are your own boss, you can devote however much time you have. I also think the idea that you have to go door-to-door to sell Avon products sometimes scares women away from becoming reps, but you don't have to do that! These days you can find so many ways to attract clients: Avon provides you with a widget for your Facebook page; you can opt for your own Rep website where the more computer savvy of your clients can order through you on your very own Avon website; and you can always start where you are most comfortable - your family, friends, and workplace.

Issa: What are some other things women should know about starting their own Avon business?
Haizel: There is no need for storage space in your home to keep Avon products because there is no home inventory. You're more than welcome to keep certain items you know your customers tend to order a lot of, but it is not a necessity.

Issa: Do you have a favorite product that you would buy even if you weren't an Avon Rep?
Haizel: My favorite products are the Anew line of skincare products. I have a daily ritual that involves the Anew facial cleanser, and then the eye and day cream. That's all I do and yet I constantly get compliments on my skin!

Issa: Is there anything else you would like to share about being an Avon Rep?
Haizel: There is an unlimited income-earning potential at Avon. I work full-time, go to graduate school, and have three children, so I can't devote as much time to Avon as I might like to, and yet I still earn enough to significantly add to the quality of my family's life. If you have less time restrictions than I do, the sky is the limit as to what you can achieve with Avon.

I want to thank Haizel for sharing her time and insight with us!

*I have been hired by Avon to share their business, and the representatives that make the business possible, with my readers.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-11-09T20:23:00.001-05:00

Blog-in 2011, or, A Letter To 2012 Presidential Candidates

2011-11-08T10:00:00.003-05:00

Sick of the empty, self-serving rhetoric of political candidates, I have decided to join today's Blog-in to add my voice to the multitude of voices who are done with being ignored, to express my desire to have elected representatives that actually represent the best interests of the citizens of these United States, and to ensure that the world my child inherits is still an inhabitable one. Please feel free to copy the letter below onto your own blogs, Facebook and Google+ pages, and anywhere else you feel may garner attention. Thank you!

Dear 2012 Presidential Candidates,

We are your future constituents and we are parents.

We are American mothers and fathers and grandparents and guardians. Our families might be the most diverse in the world. Blended and combined in endless permutations, we represent every major religion, political ideology and ethnic culture that exists. We are made from equal parts biology and choice. Our children come to us in every way possible—including fertility miracles, adoption, and remarriage. Our very modern families embody the freedom that defines America. We embody America. We are rich in diversity, but we are united in our family values. We come together today, with one voice, to express our grave disappointment in the national political discourse.

The 2012 countdown has barely begun and we are already being bombarded with the warmed-over, hypocritical rhetoric of 2008. We are living in a time where 25% of Americans now live in poverty, the unemployment rate stands at 16%, and we are spending close to $170 billion annually between the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Given the current state of affairs we would expect every candidate to focus on the issues that truly matter: job creation, debt-relief, taxes, education, poverty, and ending the war(s). Instead, it is already clear to us that the conversation has been hijacked, with the goal of further polarizing our nation into a politically motivated and falsely created class-war. We will not stand for another campaign year in which politicians presume to know what our family values are as they relate to the nation. To be clear, here are our family values:

Affordable health care, including family planning, for all Americans. We will not tolerate any candidate using the shield of “Choice” to blind us from the issues that really matter. When funding is stripped from organizations like Planned Parenthood, access to sliding-scale health care (including yearly pap smears and mammograms), comprehensive sex education, and family planning is blocked from the poorest of the population.

Access to education, and the ability to actually use it. We want quality, affordable, federally-funded pre-K programs made available in every State, in order to provide an even starting point for all children enrolled in public schools— regardless of the wealth of the district or town they live in.

A reinstatement of regulations for banks issuing mortgages and full prosecution for those who engaged in fraudulent lending practices. We want full accountability —investigation, indictment and prosecution— of those individuals and institutions who engaged in fraudulent lending practices and who helped create the massive foreclosures that left many families homeless or struggling to keep their homes.

A return of strict environmental regulations protecting water, air, food, and land that were removed in the last two decades. We want our children to grow up in a world not weighed down by the strains of pollution and global warming. Between BPA in our products, sky-rocketing rates of asthma in kids, questionable hormones in our over-processed food, and more, we need leaders who will put our needs and safety over the desires and profits of large corporations.

Family planning, healthcare, education, economic solvency and environmental safety: these are our national family values.

Candidates who demonstrate the ability to understand the gravity of these issues, and their impact on our families, and who can provide actual, viable solutions to these problems will garner our support and our votes.

We believe in this democratic system of ours, and we will continue to use our voices and our votes to see that it reaches its fullest potential.

Sincerely,

Your future constituents,

The mothers and fathers of America

*If you would like to forward this letter to your elected officials, you can find their contact info at the following links: http://www.senate.gov/general/contact_information/senators_cfm.cfm https://writerep.house.gov/writerep/welcome.shtml

Dreaming Big At The Big Apple Circus

2011-11-07T08:53:00.000-05:00

Theo and I got the chance to attend The Big Apple Circus, and, as usual, we had an amazing time! I've said it before but it bears repeating, The Big Apple Circus is the perfect sized circus for small children because I think that sometimes the larger circuses can be quite overwhelming for very small children. Also, having it all under a big tent makes is feel so old-fashioned for me, which is a feeling that I enjoy immensely. This year the theme was "Dream Big!", which is always a great message for kids (and a great reminder for us parents, too). This year's show was just slightly bittersweet because after 25 years of performing at The Big Apple Circus, Grandma the Clown is hanging up her clown shoes and retiring. She has always been my favorite part of the show and she will definitely be missed!

The Big Apple Circus has a lot to offer, so don't let its size fool you. The Shangdong Acrobatic Troupe do things that defy explanation; Dimitry Chernov does some very cool futuristic juggling; and Anna Volodko performed stunts on the aerial rope that made Theo and I gasp. Theo's favorite part of the circus was the Flying Cortes Trapeze Act, and while it was all of that fearless flying that made him stare in awe, there was a very specific component to that act that drew him in the most. I'm not going to tell you what it was, though, because that would spoil the fun. There was even an animal act that had, besides horses and dogs, a capybara! I was fascinated because I'd never seen one in real life before, but I have to be honest and say that I was grateful that the world's largest rodent was obviously very well-trained (and not too close to me!).

The Big Apple Circus did not disappoint this year, and I am not in the least bit surprised about that. While it is the perfect circus for my little guy, I have a feeling that attending is going to be a yearly tradition for us for many years to come. Truth be told, I'm 38 and I still love going so much. So, whether a little kid, big kid (or a Mama who just wants to feel like a kid again for a little while), there's something for everyone. They are only in town until January 8th so get your tickets as soon as you can!

*While we were given complimentary admission to attend this event, I have not been compensated for this post. The views and opinions expressed here are solely my own, and besides, Theo doesn't know it was free, he just knows it was fun!

Growing From What Irritates You

2011-11-04T09:00:00.024-04:00

Esra Su / Stock Xchng

The oyster that finds a grain of sand within its shell wraps it in a substance that gradually, over time, produces a pearl. Without the irritation of that grain of sand, the oyster would never be prompted to create the pearl, which ends up being a rare and beautiful thing of great value. I am learning, very slowly but surely, to take the emotional grains of sand in my life and, over time, turn them into my own personal pearls.

There will always be a source of irritation in one's life. Whether it comes from your ex, your job, your family, or your own internal struggles, irritations will always arise. I am learning that instead of growing angry at that irritation, instead of railing against the injustice of the presence of that irritation, that I can wrap that grain of sand in layers of patience, presence, and forbearance, and so turn my irritation into a personal pearl.

Forbearance is difficult for me, as I am a fighter by nature. Yet, not everything has to be a battle, and the least amount of battles you engage in the more peace you create for yourself. I have only begun to learn this, and I am still very much in the process of mastering it, but already I can see the great benefit of forbearance. I grew up in a family that despises cowardice, but I am learning that forbearance and cowardice are not the same. Cowardice is to allow your fearfulness to keep you from acting upon something, and yet forbearance has nothing at all to do with fear. Forbearance, actually, is rooted in knowing just how powerful you are, and choosing not to become an aggressor in order to "defend yourself". It is the inner knowing that you needn't show your strength externally, and that no one can take from you that which is yours. If someone says that I am not a female, must I get irate and force them to take that back? No, of course not. I am a female, I know this, and nothing anyone says can change that. I can simply shake my head at their nonsense and walk away. Often times we see people as trying to take something away from us when that is very rarely possible. And not entering into an argument with someone who would challenge what you believe in your core to be truth? That is power.

To those of you that are struggling with a source of irritation in your lives (and perhaps there are more than just one), I ask that you begin to look at it from a completely different perspective. Look at your "tormentor" as someone or something that has entered your life to teach you the value of knowing your own inner strength, the value of not entering into debate with anyone that would intentionally cause you grief, and the immense value of practicing the great art of forbearance. It might take some time to master that (as I am still mastering that within my own life), but with that perspective in mind there will be less anger at the presence of irritation and more pearls in your life. And I think you would agree that Mama could always use a beautiful strand of pearls.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-11-02T09:15:00.001-04:00

Trying To Fit Fitness Into Your Life? Enter To Win A Lucille Roberts Membership!

2011-11-01T10:53:00.002-04:00

By now I'm sure that you're pretty familiar with the fitness journey I decided to undertake back in July. There have been times when the challenge was larger than I thought it would be, but not once have I regretted taking it up. Actually, I'm extremely grateful to have worked with Lucille Roberts over the past 3 months because I have gotten stronger and more fit, and I have also gone from a size 16 to a size 12 (and that ain't too shabby!). I did it slow and steadily and just kept plugging away, and while I have had a few falls off of the proverbial wagon (I can't help it, I have deep-seeded addiction to ice cream, okay???), mostly I have re-organized my brain and my life to eat healthy foods once Theo has gone to bed. That was the real issue because we always eat healthy foods in this house. The problem was, once Theo was asleep in his bed I'd "unwind" in really unhealthy ways. Most women have a glass or two of wine, not me; I'd relax with a pint of ice cream and a spoon. While snacking during TV-watching still remains a challenge, the choices I make are smarter and much healthier. My goal when I started my work with Lucille Roberts remains the same: to cultivate the habits I need to be fit and active so that I can live a long and healthy life. I've accomplished my initial goal of getting on the path to fitness, and while fitness will always be an on-going journey, I feel good about the path that I am on. Now, I'd like to share this path to fitness with you!

If you'd like to enter to win a FREE 6-month membership to your local Lucille Roberts, I will make it very easy for you. No jumping through hoops, no multi-stepped process. Just leave a comment below. Write, however briefly you want to, about why you would like to win. That's it. A winner will be selected at random by midnight on November 15th.

Good luck!!!

Wordless Wednesday

2011-10-26T13:18:00.001-04:00

Memoirs By Single Moms: Jane Devin's 'Elephant Girl'

2011-10-25T16:50:00.001-04:00

As a writer and a single mother it is extremely important to me that I share books written by other single moms with this community. To be honest, I want to like them all because of my desire to support the single parent community, but some books stand apart more so than others, though, not because they were written by a single mom but because the author is such a talented wordsmith that your ability to put their book down is severely compromised. Jane Devin's Elephant Girl is one of those books.

Elephant Girl was so emotionally engaging for me that I found it hard to separate myself from it once I had finished it. Elephant Girl made me wince in pain and made me put it down so that I could catch my breath. I found myself wanting to reach into the book, into the author's past, to bring the child and the teenager into my home, to love and shield her, to protect her from what was inevitable for her. This book made me nod in understanding, cringe in disgust at the cruelty that is possible in this world, and smile with gratitude when small but fortunate things befell her. Mostly? This book made me feel. It pulled me into the author's world in a way that felt both jarring and comfortable. When I was finished with the book I felt a profound sadness that it was done, that my connection to this story was now over. It took me a day or two to stop wanting to read it again; I wanted to be in her world (regardless of how very painful it was at times), I wanted her words inside my head, I wanted to share her experiences with her as if my presence as a reader would somehow make her less alone, and really, that is the highest compliment I could ever pay an author. I wanted to be there with her, and all because of the grace with which she shared her story.

You would think that as emotionally painful as some of the parts of Elephant Girl were that it would've been a difficult read; on the contrary, it was such an easy, quick read that it felt like it went by entirely too fast. It is a testament to the author's facility with words that while the story was painful at times, her delivery was one that always gave you hope and made you believe that the dreams that carried her would one day see her through. True brilliance.

To purchase it in both paperback and Kindle versions click here. To purchase other eReader versions (iBooks, Nook, etc.) click here.

Plum District - THE Deal Site For Moms

2011-10-24T17:33:00.004-04:00

There's a great new group-buying deal site called Plum District that is for moms, by moms. I will be sharing some of the deals that I purchase from them with you because sometimes as single moms it gets really challenging to afford the "extras" in life. Plum District is a great way to afford things for you, for the kids, and events that your whole family will love. Today I got a great deal on Holiday Cards, which you can check out here: http://www.plumdistrict.com/three_for_free/be07e16d19/click.

Keep your eyes peeled for more Plum District deals here, or just join their site and get them sent directly to your inbox!

*Plum District and I have partnered to bring my readers "insider information" on deals that would be relevant to the community. I am compensated for this in "Plum Dollars", which I then use to purchase Plum District deals myself.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-10-19T21:17:00.000-04:00

Wordless Wednesday

2011-10-12T10:56:00.002-04:00

Redefining Mondays

2011-10-10T09:21:00.016-04:00

Ronny Beliën / Stock Xchng

I know that Mondays, for the most part, can be a huge drag. You've only just had 2 very quick days with your children, and now here you are, at work again - for 5 long days. Even if you love your job, the toll it can take on your mental energy to be fully present can be difficult, especially if you've just come from a weekend of fun, relaxation, and family togetherness. Mondays have historically been the most difficult days of the week, and there are probably as many reasons for that as there are grains of sand. I invite you, however, to redefine your Mondays.

What do I mean by that? New beginnings can be exciting, and can bring the kind of change in one's life that will get one out of the rut that they may currently be in. Every week, we get a new beginning of sorts, and that new beginning is called Monday. Every Monday we get to make a choice: we can lament the fact that we are going to the same old job, working the same long hours, doing the same old work, or we can look to Mondays as a way in which to re-invigorate our energy so that we can bring something fresh and new to our lives. Is there a new class that you have been wanting to take, but keep putting off? A form of volunteerism that you've been meaning to take on but never seem to find the time for because you are too distracted? A craft or other project that you've wanted to start with the kids that keeps slipping your mind? Use Mondays to implement these changes! Use Mondays to re-commit to living your life on purpose, in ways that feel most positive and impactful to you. You'd be surprised what you can accomplish if you use your energy to find the good in your life, or to find ways in which you can bring good to others, and Mondays are a great way to implement these things.

Redefine Mondays, and you redefine yourself in some ways. Redefine yourself and you can redefine your life. With a new perspective, it is possible to bring a lightening bolt of energy to your week. Take small but measurable steps, and before you know it you will be grateful that Monday is here, bringing with it an entire new week to bring bright and beautiful changes to your lives and the lives of your children!

It's Starting To Feel Good In Here

2011-10-07T16:39:00.000-04:00

Lotus Head / Stock Xchng

Right before I started my fitness journey with Lucille Roberts I can honestly say that I had given up on myself. I would look into the mirror at the very overweight woman I had become and I would get really sad, yes, but not so much that I wanted to do anything about it. Or, perhaps, the deep sadness I felt at having let myself go to the extent that I had was what kept me in a place of hopelessness for so long. Either way, I had fully resigned myself to being the size that I was, to being as unfit as I was, to being as unhappy as I was with what I saw in my mirror.

Now, don't get me wrong, I fully celebrate beauty in all of its forms and sizes, and have no problem recognizing the beauty in a woman who does not fit the mold of what society tells us is an acceptable body type. I just knew that I wasn't at my personal best. I didn't want to be skinny, and I still don't, but what I was tired of being was tired. Sluggish. Weak. I had given up, though, and was looking at a life that would mimic my beloved Grandmother's: one of obesity-related illnesses that could have been avoided had she known what I knew. During her time, the more meat you had on your bones the more womanly you were, and she didn't know a thing about BMI, metabolic rates, or any of the other things we now know about. As she exited middle age and entered into her senior citizen years, years of eating foods that "put meat on her bones" now made her dangerously obese with the slowing down of her metabolism. She didn't know any better, but that was the thing: I did. And yet, I had given up. Too tired to fight what my body had turned into, I had just given up. It was a sad, painful place to be.

Today, almost 3 months after beginning my training at Lucille Roberts, I feel like such a different woman than who I was then. When I got weighed in today I was down to 159 pounds, which is a pound and a half lost from last week. Today marks the first time that I am in the 150s in about a year! The difference about this weight loss than the other times in my life that I've lost weight is that unlike in the past where I've just put myself on a diet, got thinner, but did no exercise - this time I am fit. I am getting toned, I am getting tighter, and I am getting strong. My body looks better now at 159 than it ever did at 145, when that 145 was achieved through starvation diets. I am beginning to look as strong as I feel, and I have to say, it's starting to feel good in here, in this skin of mine. I know for a fact that working out with a trainer has made all the difference in the world, and finding the right trainer for me has made me look forward to seeing what I can push my body to do next. I never thought I'd write those last words - ever. Yet, feeling ever stronger, learning how to gently push myself in increments small enough that I can handle, I have acquired a tenacity that makes me feel physically powerful. That is a space that is entirely new for me. This process has been as much about growing stronger mentally than it has been about getting physically strong, and I am ever so grateful for it.

So, what's next for me? Who knows. With a strong body and newly-found determination, though? Anything is possible.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-10-05T09:44:00.002-04:00

Staying The Course

2011-09-30T18:02:00.003-04:00

Asif Akbar / Stock Xchng

I was reminded of something interesting about the human body today that I'd forgotten. When I weighed-in at Lucille Roberts today, the scale showed that I had only lost 1 and a half pounds. Although I did weigh in at a loss, I was disappointed that it was only a pound and a half loss because I worked HARD this week. I was uber careful about what I ate, I worked out twice with my trainer and then an additional 2 times at home with Jillian Michaels. Alright, fine, not exactly with Jillian Michaels, but to Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred workout; but I thought all of that hard work would pay off with a greater amount of weight loss, so I was disappointed to see that it didn't. It also didn't make sense to me that my clothes are starting to feel really loose on me if the numbers on the scale weren't showing that. But then came the numbers that helped it all to make sense! After being measured, I've lost several inches, and my muscle mass went up! Muscle is smaller than fat, as it is more dense, so now it all started to click. My clothes are looser because my body is getting tighter and more toned. My hard work is paying off, and my body has made very real changes! The numbers didn't go down on the scale a whole lot because I am gaining muscle! That's actually a really great thing! With the added muscle mass, the fat is slowly burning off, and it won't be long until I'm as lean as I'd like to be.

My goal all along was definitely to lose pounds, and to fit into my pre-Dear-God-I'm-SO-Fat clothes. My biggest goal, however, was to get fit and strong. With the help of my amazing trainer, Christine, and with eating lots of lean proteins, I am doing exactly that. Christine saw that I was less than thrilled with the results according to their scale and made sure to point out that according to all of my stats I was improving in every way. I have consistently made slow but very steady improvements in my body measurements, BMI, muscle mass, and level of fitness, and that is something to proud of. And you know what? When I started this journey with Lucille Roberts I was 173.5 pounds and a very tight size 16. Today, I'm 160 pounds and a very loose size 14. Now, those are numbers that are really impressive to me!

What is most important in all of this, I am learning, is to stay the course. To not give up, and to push yourself just the slightest bit harder, so that each time you try again you go a little bit further than you did before. And, really, isn't that a great metaphor for life as well?

I think so.

*I have been compensated by Lucille Roberts as one of their Blogger Ambassadors with a six month gym membership and free weekly sessions with a trainer. As usual, however, the opinions stated in my posts and/or Tweets about Lucille Roberts are strictly my own and will not be unduly influenced by them in any way other than the quality of service that they provide.

Tunes With Tina, Fun On A Sunday Morning

2011-09-29T08:00:00.002-04:00

If you're like me, you're always looking for activities to do with the little ones that get you out of the house. While I for one am always a huge fan of lazing around on a Sunday and spending the day in your pajamas, there are many times when I would much rather get out of the apartment and take Theo out into our city. I took Theo to Tunes with Tina this past Sunday and we had so much fun that I plan on going back as often as I can. Tunes with Tina is a Sunday Jazz Brunch - for kids! Theo has been listening to Jazz since he was in the womb, and it is one of his favorite genres, and he was quick to identify that was what he was listening to. Even if your kids have never once listened to Jazz, though, they are going to love Tina. Now, when I say she plays Jazz music, I don't mean that she sits there and plays Cole Porter (although she could, since she played his piano for years); what I mean is that she takes children's classics, "Row, Row, Row Your Boat", "ABC", and many others, and gives them a jazzy little twist that allows the kids to sing along to old favorites and yet enjoy a more sophisticated rendition of them. She even played a version of "Here We Go" by none other than The Fresh Beat Band!

One of the things that I really appreciated about Tina is that she allowed the children to come right up to the piano, even sit on the bench with her, so that there wasn't this divide between her and the audience. As you can see from these photos, Theo had no problem getting up close and personal with Tina:

Theo Studying Tina's Fingers

Theo and Tina Sing A Duet

What was great for me as a parent was being able to enjoy great food (both menus, the kid's and the adult's, had wonderful options), while being able to sit back and watch my child enjoy himself in a child-friendly atmosphere. Being able to enjoy a quality meal at a restaurant where my child is encouraged to sing and dance is priceless. When it was over, I asked Theo to go over to Tina and say goodbye and thank you, and he did, saying (verbatim), "Goodbye. Thank you for the lovely music". Such a little man, my Theo.

I will be going back as often as I possibly can, so look for the Twitter hashtag #TunesWithTina if you aren't in NYC so that you can join in on the fun as I live-Tweet when I am there. If you are in New York, though, you absolutely have to come out to Tunes with Tina so that you can see for yourself what an amazing experience this is, for both you and your children. And if you plan on going, make sure to let me know so that we can sit next to each other and enjoy it together!

Theo trying to steal the show.

*Theo and I were provided this experience free of charge for the purpose of reviewing.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-09-28T08:35:00.000-04:00

Hope

2011-09-26T09:30:00.001-04:00

Robert Michie / Stock Xchng

Hope

By Emily Dickinson

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune--without the words,
And never stops at all.

There is more to that poem, but it's that stanza that has always stayed with me. It is that stanza, specifically, that reminds me of what gets me through the toughest of times and keeps me from breaking down and staying down. Hope for me hasn't always been a good thing, necessarily, as when I was younger my best friend and I used to say, "If it weren't for Pandora and that damn box, we would have no hope; and if it weren't for hope, we wouldn't keep getting our hearts broken by dreams dashed against the rocks of circumstance.". Over the years I've come to learn that Hope and Expectations are very, very different things, and that what was being dashed against those rocks were the expectations we had that certain things would transpire exactly the way we wanted them to. Hope is quite a different thing altogether.

Hope is what makes you get through the darkest of times, and upon seeing the clouds break, even for a moment, reminds you that there is something else out there, waiting for you, if you just hang on long enough. Hope is what keeps you from giving up and giving in, because it reminds you that nothing stays the same forever, not the good - true - but not the bad, either. Hope is what reminds you that no matter how scary things are right now, things can always get better. And, if they can get better, then all is not lost. It may feel that way right now, but that feeling, like all else in life, is only temporary. Whatever it is you are going through, this, too, shall pass.

Dare to hold on to hope. Dare to believe that things can change for the better. Dare to believe that, no matter how troubling these times are for you, that you are right where you are meant to be. Sometimes, we have to fully enter into who we are not, to be clear on who exactly we are. Use this time to gain clarity about who you are and where you would like to be, and then embrace the hope that the way forward will come about for you. You may not see it now, the way forward, but with hope, you give yourself the opportunity to find that path for yourself.

Hold on to hope. I will be here, holding on right with you.

Single Moms Sundays Series, Featuring Ebony L.

2011-09-25T09:00:00.025-04:00

Kslyesmith / Stock Xchng

We were invited to Emily's (the mother of a classmate of my son's) beach club down at The Jersey Shore for a play date. I've been exposed to many things, but I've never been to a beach club. Amadi and Emily had been praying for good weather for the last week I thought it would only be right that I find out exactly what we needed. I didn't want to embarrass my son or be the talk of the parent association. You know them Upper Westside mother's gossip just as bad as we do.

So a week before the big day I sent Emily an email, very simple and to the point. Is there anything specific we need to bring for Saturday? The boys needed multiple swim trunks, I thought wardrobe changes, why? You have to wear dry clothes in the club house, ok that make sense. The club opens at 10:00 a.m. the earlier you leave the less traffic you will get into on the way down, ok Ebony, don't be the late black lady, with the loud boys in tow. While I was making our preparations for the big day, Amadi was too! Mom, Ms. Fienberg said I can bring the super soakers. Super soakers, check. Amadi is a honest boy, so there was no need for me to check with Emily if it was ok. When we got to the beach, she said the conversation she and Amadi had went like this:

"Ms. Fienberg, would it be appropriate if I brought the super soakers to the play date for me and Harry to play?"

"Yes, Amadi that would be appropriate."

(My thoughts, this kid, makes me so proud!!!!)

Finally the big day arrives. I packed the night before, did my own fashion show, just to make sure I wasn't looking too crazy and to make sure there was no reason to gossip about me at the parent association. Emily has never come across that way, but I didn't want to give anybody any reason to say anything. We got up super early, had breakfast and was out the door before 8am, from Brooklyn to The Jersey Shore. The drive was smooth there was no traffic and we pulled into the beach club at the same time as the Fienbergs.

Everything starts off fine, we get our locker, which is more like a room. We take our beach supplies and head to the sand, which is just past the pool and the lounge chairs. We find our spot and one of the staffers comes over and sets up our spot, complete with chairs and umbrellas. We are ready to beach. First order of business Harry wants Amadi to boogie board with him, they head to the ocean. Me and Josiah trail behind them. Now my Josiah, he's a little bit, he's not really feeling the ocean. After some cajoling, I convince him to get in the water. A big wave comes throws him down, Josiah's out the water. Now we are watching Amadi and Harry, when some friendly beach goer decides he wants to show Josiah a crab. He puts the crab in Josiah's hand, he screams runs off the beach and everyone laughs. Thanks man, you've just set him off for the rest of the day.

Waves get rough, life guards tell the boys to get out of the water, they decide to go to the kiddie pool. What I have noticed about the lifeguards is they actually watch the kids, so you don't have too. But I know my sons and that is not a good idea. Josiah's jealous Amadi is playing with Harry and Eddie is too young for Josiah to play with. Can you say tantrum? Well Josiah decides to cry about the super soaker, he cries about the water everything is irritating him! Ugh, I'm ready to go, but of course I can't because we haven't even had lunch.

After a wardrobe change we have lunch. "You have your hands full with Josiah", Nana says, Emily's 82 year old mother joins us for lunch along with her nephew. "I sure do." We finish lunch and the boys are still not ready to go. So now they are off to the basketball courts with Emily's nephew Ethan. The mom's go back to sand, when I notice we are the only "raisins in the pound cake" - not even the staff. I guess it really doesn't matter, the boys are having fun and that's all that matters.

After ice cream, Emily decides that the moms need to have a meeting, because Harry wants us to stay for dinner at The Windmill and I want to go home. So Emily convinces me that after we shower, we can have dinner and then when we get home the boys would be ready for bed. I'm thinking yeah right, they still have to bathe and I'm going to have sand everywhere. I need to get going now! Then she hits me with the boys are having so much fun, let's make everybody happy! Ugh, ok, we will stay for dinner.

The boys go back to the pool for about another hour, then Emily decides it's time we start getting ready for dinner. First we wash all of all the beach supplies, what no sand, not bad. Then we head to the showers and Emily's got everything, shampoo, body wash. lotion. It's a real shower! The boys are scrubbed, hair washed, no sand, fresh clothes, perfect!!! I wash my locs, even better, less work when I get home. Ok, I'm thinking this wasn't too bad, we head to The Windmill.

We eat at the top of The Windmill, we wave down to Nana. The hot dogs were yuck, but the fries were good. We thank our host, for a great day. Emily and Harry thank us for coming and Eddie is just as cute as he wants to be. We all head down to the cars, we hug, say good bye, wish each other a wonderful summer, see you in September. We get in the car to head back to Brooklyn . Before I reach the Garden State Parkway the boys are sleep!!! We had a wonderful day!!! I can get used to beaching at a beach club!!!!

I’m glad I accept play dates. I wasn’t too crazy about them in the beginning, but this is how it goes in private school. This is Amadi and Josiah’s world, they are comfortable in it. I can’t get caught up in what makes me nervous, because it would only hold them back. So I put on my mommy hat and we go! Until our next adventure!

*A single mom of two boys, Ebony L. works hard to ensure that any limitations she feels she may have do not become her children's. Her sons go to one of the most sought-after private schools in Manhattan, and when she isn't at work she is either at a soccer game or chess tournament.

The JobProsper Flexible & Work From Home Expo

2011-09-24T18:33:00.007-04:00

I know that for many of us single moms, how to earn a living while spending the most amount of time with our children that we can is of utmost importance to us. I was made aware of an interesting new job expo being held here in New York City, The JobProsper Flexible & Work From Home Expo. Please see below for all of the details you will need to attend this FREE expo, and for web details for those of you who don't live in the NYC area.

The JobProsper Flexible & Work From Home Expo

Sunday, October 2nd

11am-4pm

Metropolitan Pavilion

124 West 18th Street

Bet 6th and 7th Aves

Free Registration at www.jobprosperexpo.com or www.jobprosper.com

· It is free to all attendees.

· Jobs at the expo are jobs that you will not find on the site.

· The only Job Fair that focuses on legitimate flexible, part time and work from home employment.

· Started by stay at home moms who wanted to make sure other stay at home moms could contribute to their households without sacrificing the quality of their family lives.

· We screen all companies that are at each expo so our attendees can be assured there are no scams.

· After two years of expos in NJ, PA and DC/VA we have positions for everyone who is interested in taking back their lives while making extra money.

· We have companies for retail holiday hiring, virtual assistant positions, marketing, writing, direct sales, and other positions that offer flexibility.

· All who come will leave having spoken to hiring managers as well as a better understanding of how to find flexible positions right here in NYC.

· To order a copy of the ebook “Making Work from Home Work for You” with over 200 work from home hiring companies go to http://www.jobprosper.com/index.php/book

· To get updates on jobs, work from home information and companies like us on facebook - http://www.facebook.com/JobProsper

· All who are interested should pre-register at www.jobprosperexpo.com or www.jobprosper.com

For more information or press inquiries please call Noelle Frieson at 201-880-9300 or email info@jobprosper.com

The Alternative Employment Revolution -

http://www.jobprosper.com

* I have been offered compensation to provide this information to my readers.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-09-21T19:46:00.002-04:00

Getting Closer

2011-09-16T20:29:00.002-04:00

The Tools Of My Torture At Lucille Roberts

Today was my weigh-in at Lucille Roberts and I'm down to 161.8 from 164.2! And you know what? Even though it's only 2 and a half pounds, I really worked hard for that weight loss. I was super conscious about what I ate, I worked out hard this week, and for the first time during this entire process I am actually proud of myself. I have been sore almost every day of this week, I've eaten really healthfully, and I drank tons of water. I earned each ounce of weight loss I achieved and that feels really good.

Not to say that every week will be like this. Some weeks I may decide to have a little bit of ice cream, or an extra glass of wine, or maybe I won't be able to work out as hard because of my schedule. I'm not going to beat myself up if during one particular week I'm less than stellar because I also want to fully enjoy my life, and if fully enjoying my life means a little ice cream or wine or whatever, then I'm not going to live a life without enjoyment. What's the point of living the life of an ascetic? This life was given to us to enjoy it! It just feels good to know that I can do this hard work, because some weeks it felt like I could quit and just go back to being completely sedentary, eating an entire pint of ice cream on the sofa. This has not been easy, not at all. I am so very glad I'm doing this, though, because I feel so much stronger than I did when I started this. Today I actually jogged up the subway stairs and was amazed! When I started this process I would walk up those same stairs very, very slowly - and by the time I had reached the top I would be winded. Not anymore!

So, now, do I look how I want to? No. Not at all. Not yet. Do I still have quite a way to go to get to my best self? Absolutely. I'm closer to that version of myself than I was, though. I'm much, much closer.

*I have been compensated by Lucille Roberts as one of their Blogger Ambassadors with a six month gym membership and free weekly sessions with a trainer. As usual, however, the opinions stated in my posts and/or Tweets about Lucille Roberts are strictly my own and will not be unduly influenced by them in any way other than the quality of service that they provide.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-09-14T22:56:00.000-04:00

Phineas And Ferb: The Best Live Tour Ever!

2011-09-12T16:29:00.000-04:00

Theo and I got the chance to experience Phineas And Ferb: The Best Live Tour Ever!, the very day after his birthday and it was SO much fun! Due to the fact that I don't let Theo watch too much TV, he wasn't familiar with the cartoon prior to our going to the show, but it didn't even matter. The music, the lovable sillyness, the energy, Theo ate it ALL up!

The best thing about the show was watching Theo dance in his seat to the music. Usually very intense, it was a joy to watch Theo dancing and having silly fun, all thanks to the great songs and music of the live show. I had watched a few episodes prior to going to the show and I found it quite funny for a kid's animated show. I know from Twitter that the Phineas and Ferb cartoon on the Disney channel is a favorite among the parents because it's a show that, while still very appropriate for children, keeps their parents laughing as well. The live show did not disappoint, as I found it just as chuckle-worthy as the cartoon show.

We even got an Agent P snow cone in a collectible cup, which will serve to remind Theo of all the fun he had.

So much fun was had, and I would say that if you are a fan of the show you should definitely get you and the kids to see it. You can find locations and showtimes here. If you've never seen the show, though, you and the kiddos will also love it, as it is filled with fun, songs, and lots of dancing. Treat your kids to a show that you will actually enjoy as well!

* Theo and I were provided complimentary tickets for the purpose of reviewing the show.

Single Moms Sundays Series, Featuring Single Mama CC

2011-09-11T19:11:00.000-04:00

It's hard to wrap my mind around the fact that it's been 10 years since that day. It seems like only yesterday yet I don't remember what my life was like before that September day.

I woke up that morning nervous but full of hope...good things were coming!

By the end of that day I was even more nervous, shaken and shocked....I couldn't believe what I was seeing on the news...and I still couldn't believe what I was holding in my hands...I still have the very first ultra sound picture dated: 09/11/2001.

THAT 9/11 was the first day my adventures in motherhood truly became real, the day I felt it....it all became real when I saw that little flickering heartbeat.

So much has happened since that gloriously sunny September day.

Over the course of the past ten years I've gotten married, given birth, got divorced, relocated, terminated my ex's parental rights, and relocated yet again only this time my girl and I went half way across the country.

I've seen some shit, survived some self inflicted hells and learned a thing or two since then...or so I'd like to think.

Lesson learned: Pick your battles, there will be plenty to choose from. Is wearing a Cinderella ball gown to the super market at the age of 3 really THAT big of a deal?.

Lesson learned: Family goes beyond blood. The amount of influence, good or bad, allowed into your life is ultimatelty up to you. Surround yourself well.

Lesson learned: It never gets easier. YOU get stronger. The strength to survive and beyond is there, stop ignoring it.

Lesson learned: Play. Laugh. Be silly. Enjoy every day, even the shitty ones...at some point during even the shittiest of days, your kid WILL make you smile. LET THEM.

Lesson learned: Let your attention span to something that pisses you off last as long as your childs attention span to pretty much anything....let it go, it'll be over soon

Lesson learned: Remember who you're dealing with. YOU are the parent. Giving up is not an option. Your kid is a blessing and was given to you for a reason, but dont forget, YOU were given to THEM for a reason too..

Lesson learned: It's true. The most effective form of teaching is by good example.

Lesson learned: Some days, being a single mom blows but everyday of being mom is rewarding in even the smallest ways.

Lesson learned: KEEP LEARNING

SingleMamaCC was the one who was certain she never wanted kids, ever. She was the one who was beyond wrong. Being a mother has been the greatest gift she never knew she wanted. She's been a single mom since the beginning....it's been a long, rewarding road with memories that will last her and her daughter a lifetime....and she looks forward to making more memories with her girl. You can find SingleMamaCC at Not Your Average Single Mama.

Getting Back In The Saddle

2011-09-09T17:55:00.006-04:00

Rodrigo Roveri / Stock Xchng

After almost 2 weeks of being away from Lucille Roberts, I got back in the saddle this week. After being away on vacation, then celebrating Theo's fourth birthday with copious amounts of yummy stuff, it is my duty to report that I weighed in today at 164.2 pounds today. Now, on one hand I'm not happy that I gained a little, but on the other hand, because I did practice some control, I was able to only gain a tiny bit as opposed to a whole lot.

I'm at a new Lucille Roberts location with a new trainer and so far it's going GREAT. My new trainer is the perfect combination between encouraging while not pushing me too hard for my body, and professional but really fun. I think that I will start to see some real changes in my body now since I am fully engaged and actually enjoying the workouts. Finding the right trainer for you is extremely important, not everyone can meet your needs and goals. What is important is not to give up on being trained because it really does make a huge difference. Now that I have the right trainer for me I'm positive my fitness journey will take off and I will start to not only see a difference in my body, but feel a difference in my level of enjoyment throughout the process. Will I ever LOVE working out? Probably not. What I can just begin to see, though, is the beginnings of being able to enjoy the process of getting fit, not just enduring it. And that is something I didn't think was possible!

So, here I am, back in the saddle again. And I'm actually glad to be back. Who would'a thunk it?

*I have been compensated by Lucille Roberts as one of their Blogger Ambassadors with a six month gym membership and free weekly sessions with a trainer. As usual, however, the opinions stated in my posts and/or Tweets about Lucille Roberts are strictly my own and will not be unduly influenced by them in any way other than the quality of service that they provide.

Happy Birthday, My Love

2011-09-08T02:43:00.008-04:00

Today, at precisely 2:43 AM, my baby turns 4 years old. No longer a baby, I feel melancholy at how quickly the time has passed. Theo is a highly intelligent, independent, marvel of a child. He is my life, my light, my love. I am so very grateful that he chose me to be born into this world through.

Happy Birthday, Pun'kin! My love for you grows deeper by the day. My gratitude at having you as my child is greater than I can ever convey. Thank you for trusting me to be your Mama.

NY METRO PARENTS & THE BERENSTAIN BEARS LIVE!

2011-09-07T23:47:00.001-04:00

MICHELLE OBAMA’S “LET’S MOVE”

COMES TO BEAR COUNTRY

NY METRO PARENTS & THE BERENSTAIN BEARS LIVE!

SPONSOR A FREE PERFORMANCE

ON SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 25^th

www.BerenstainBearsLive.com/LetsMove

The Berenstain Bears LIVE! and sponsors NY Metro Parents, Manhattan Movement and Arts Center and Theatermania partner to bring Michelle Obama’s “Let’s Move” to Bear Country, featuring a FREE performance of The Berenstain Bears LIVE! The first 100 families who download our “Let’s Move in Bear Country” pledge found at www.BerenstainBearsLive.com/LetsMove will be awarded two tickets to the event, which includes a pre-show Healthy Snacktime, a FREE performance, a post-show dance lesson, and face painting and photos with the Bears. “Let’s Move in Bear Country” takes place on Sunday, September 25th at 3:30pm at Manhattan Movement and Arts Center.

“With its entertaining musical story filled with healthy messages for kids, The Berenstain Bears LIVE! has become a destination for families throughout the New York area. Inspired by Michelle Obama’s healthy life-style initiatives, I am proud to be partnering with our many sponsors who have underwritten this exciting Let’s Move in Bear Country event for 100 New York area families. What better way to encourage a healthy life-style than through an exciting new musical filled with characters kids already know and love?”

Matt Murphy, producer of The Berenstain Bears LIVE!

“We are thrilled to sponsor this special event with The Berenstain Bears LIVE!, which promotes healthy living for children. As a mom, I’m so excited that I can take my young daughter to a new musical that conveys a healthy way of life in such fun way.”

Lisa Ben Isvy, Associate Publisher, NY Metro Parents

THE FIRST 100 FAMILIES who go to www.BerenstainBearsLive.com/LetsMove and download the Let’s Move In Bear Country pledge will be eligible for a free pair of tickets to The Berenstain Bears LIVE! Like Michelle Obama’s “Let’s Move” initiative, the pledge asks families to think about their food choices while striving towards a more active lifestyle.

“Let’s Move in Bear Country” will include:

· A pre –show Healthy Snacktime that includes healthy recipes and snacks from celebrity cookbooks

· A free performance of The Berenstain Bears LIVE! in Family Matters, the Musical

· An interactive “Let’s Move” dance taught by The Berenstain Bear Family

· Face painting and Photos with The Berenstain Bears

Adapted from the classic children’s book series by Stan and Jan Berenstain, The Berenstain Bears LIVE! in Family Matters, the Musical brings everyone’s favorite bear family to life in a thrilling theatrical experience that kids as well as their parents will treasure for many years to come. The newest Off-Broadway musical for Mamas, Papas, and Young Cubs in NYC, The Berenstain Bears LIVE! will give boys and girls of all ages the chance to fall in love with these characters, just as their parents did when they were growing up. The Berenstain Bears LIVE! features an original score by Michael Borton and a book by Borton and Michael Slade.

The critics have raved for The Berenstain Bears LIVE! “A PEPPY, POP-FLAVORED SCORE!” – NY Times; “A KID-A-THON OF GIGGLES!” – Big Apple Parent; “LIKE HONEY FOR LITTLE KIDS!”– Mommy Poppins; “HILARIOUS, SIDE-SPLITTING ESCAPADES. THIS SPIRITED AND PERFECTLY-PACED PRODUCTION WILL RESONATE ACROSS GENERATIONS.”– Time Out NY

The Berenstain Bears LIVE!

“LET’S MOVE IN BEAR COUNTRY”

SEPTEMBER 25th, 2011

Healthy Snack hour begins at 3:30PM; Free Performance at 4:30PM

Visit www.BerenstainBearsLive.com/LetsMove

to become eligible to receive a FREE pair of tickets

The Berenstain Bears LIVE! in Family Matters, the Musical

Written by Michael Borton and Michael Slade

Directed and Choreographed by Devanand Janki

Performance Schedule: Saturdays at 2PM and 4:30PM; Sundays at 2PM

MMAC is located at 248 West 60th Street

UPDATED PRICING: Tickets: $34.95 (Rear Section), $44.95 (Front Section),

and a $59.95 V.I.B. Package (Very Important Bears!)

Each performance features a FREE Berenstain Bears post-show celebration that

includes dancing, face painting and photos with the cast after the show.

Tickets can be purchased at www.BerenstainBearsLive.com or by phone at (866) 811-4111

Running Time is 55 minutes Tickets can be purchased at www.BerenstainBearsLive.com

or by phone at (866) 811-4111

The Best Revenge

2011-09-01T14:14:00.002-04:00

Jos van Galen / Stock Xchng

There are a lot of things about me that make me less than perfect. I have a wicked temper. I can be lazy and unmotivated at times. I am easily offended. I'm sure there are others but I'll stop here so that I don't begin to cry and rock back and forth in a corner. One of the things that I do not possess, however, is a desire for vengeance. When someone "wrongs" me, I just walk away. Well, first I tell them the hell off and then I walk away. I don't come from a vengeful family, and I also can't help but think that my hellish temper actually helps me to get what I am feeling out of my system to a large extent so that I do not feel the need to "get back at them" in some way later on. I just say what I have to say, and if it is warranted, I cut ties with that person. No need to keep negative energy in one's life. That being said, however, there is one form of revenge that I thoroughly enjoy: I absolutely love doing my best, succeeding at something, and realizing that whoever it was that "wronged" me is still in the same swamp of mediocrity I left them in. HAH HAH!!!

Sorry, that was extremely childish of me. Allow me to straighten my pearls. Okay, there, much better.

When you encounter a person that tries to belittle you, demean you, break you down in some way, don't fight for their approval. No matter who they are, if they would belittle you they are obviously not worthy of your presence to begin with. Just walk away from their lives. Then, the real fun begins. Find something you'd like to grow in. Anything at all. It doesn't have to be in the area that person chose to belittle you about, it could be in any area you choose. Then, focus your energies on growing in that space. It could be fitness, or taking a class and learning a new skill, or perhaps committing to a volunteer project where you are positively affecting the lives of others. Then little by little (for that is the only way real and lasting change comes about), grow in that space. Feel the power you develop by stretching yourself. Before you know it, you will be feeling bigger, stronger, more pleased with yourself.

And the person who tried to belittle you? Odds are they are busy doing the same ol' things they always do, not growing, and still using that excess energy to put others down. Here you are, enjoying the benefits growth brings, feeling truly good about yourself, and finding that you need the validation of no one but yourself. And who gets the last laugh? You do, my friend. You do.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-08-31T09:44:00.002-04:00

Getting Back Up

2011-08-30T17:16:00.003-04:00

G Schouten de Jel / Stock Xchng

At times you get knocked down. Life is like that sometimes. You're humming along, minding your business, and something or someone knocks you down. Even those who seem to live the most charmed lives will not escape this. It's just the way life goes sometimes.

I can't help the fact that when I get knocked down, I stay down for longer than I'd like. I'm built for the initial fight, but not for endurance. If something knocks the wind out of me it often takes me a long time to heal from it, longer than I am comfortable with. The one thing that I can say, though, is that I get up. Eventually, after a protracted amount of time, I do get up again. Sometimes I am scarred by the experience. Sometimes, I am left with a deep sense of sadness, resentment, or loss. Sometimes, I foolishly allow someone's lack of decency and integrity to take purchase within my heart, which, is just plain idiotic of me. What most don't understand, however, is that inside this tough, gritty New York shell is a very sensitive person. Too sensitive to not be as tough as I am on the outside. It is my gruff exterior that allows me to keep on fighting when circumstances conspire to make me quit. It is the quick temper and the even quicker tongue that keep me from being indelibly marred by the thoughtlessness of others. It is essential to my being. Like the lotus flower, though, I eventually rise from the mud of anger, sadness, even depression, and show my face to the sun again.

I say all of this to say that recently, I was knocked down. I had to deal with a circumstance that left me feeling defeated. And while I would've liked nothing more than to turn my back on the situation and walk away, I have grown too much to let others adversely affect me to the point of self-sabotage. I have a wide enough self-sabotaging streak within me already, thank you very much. I don't need help from external sources. What I would like to remind you, my sisters, is to not ever let anyone or anything knock you down and keep you down. You are human. Situations will arise that will cause you pain, setbacks. But don't you dare let them beat you. Get back up the very second you feel enough strength to stand up again. Take your first wobbly steps toward feeling solid again and keep standing. Nothing is more important than your ability to bounce back from setbacks, be they emotional, physical, or financial. Not only is it important for your life, but for the lives of the little ones watching you. We are our children's most important teachers, and what could be more valuable than to show them that no matter how long it takes to get back up, the getting up is what counts most.

If you are in a sad, scary or dark place right now I understand. Trust me, I do. Hunker down, gather your strength, and the moment you feel strong enough to stand, do so. Resilience may indeed be something that you are born with - but it is also something that you can develop; and teach.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-08-24T12:26:00.000-04:00

Single Moms Sundays Series, Featuring Alexandra V

2011-08-21T10:43:00.000-04:00

*Single Moms Sundays is a series of guest posts by single moms that will serve to demonstrate the varied experiences and circumstances that shape and color a community filled with diversity.

What Scares Me About Co-Parenting

By Alexandra V

Well…everything. My daughter’s father and I ended our relationship about 2 ½ years ago. Since then we have had our ups and downs co-parenting our daughter who is now 5 years old. Using the term co-parenting to me implies that both parents are equally responsible for the health, happiness, and well being of the child. It also implies to me that the child can spend equal amounts of time with each parent. A joint understanding of responsibility.

Through the 2 ½ years we have had a consistently inconsistent relationship. Sometimes he comes around, and sometimes he doesn’t. It would be false of me to point the finger at him and claim that he is solely the one to blame for the turbulence in our co-parenting relationship, because I am to blame as well. After some denial I recognized I wasn’t helping our situation at all times, and realized I had a high conflict personality. I have so many high expectations of him not only as a Dad but as a Man, and it constantly left be furiously frustrated that I felt he wasn’t living up to my expectations. There were many times in which I felt like I was the only parent, and that he was only around for the ‘fun stuff.’ He wasn’t involved in taking care of her when she was sick or making Doctor appointments. He was absent at Kindergarten orientation, her 1st day of Kindergarten, or even her 5th birthday. Because of this lack of joint responsibility I react. And my reaction towards him is not always positive or helpful. My thought process has been why am I the only one sacrificing when it comes to our daughter? Why am I the only one busting my butt to ensure our daughter has all that she needs and wants? How can he just walk out on his daughter? On our daughter?

What scares me about Co-Parenting?

I am afraid that my daughter will grow up not trusting men.
I fear she will take her Father’s inconsistent behaviors and assume that that is how all men will act and treat her.
I fear my own parenting skills will not be enough.
I fear that I will not be able to comfortably play the role of Mommy and Daddy forever.
I fear every time she asks where her Daddy is.
I fear meetings at her school when they ask where her Father is.
I fear the day when she asks why Mommy and Daddy aren’t together anymore.
I fear that my best will not be good enough for her.
I fear that our daughter will resent me because I’m the tough parent and he’s the fun parent (when he’s around).
I fear that I am promoting that love comes without responsibility; by reassuring her that her Daddy loves her…he’s just busy at work.
I fear what is happening now; he’s completely walked out of her life.
I fear that she will grow up to be me. A worried child who felt like her Daddy didn’t love her. Because if he did he would surely want to spend time with me. He’d want to come around on birthdays, at my high school graduation, at the birth of my child.
I fear the anger she may have towards her Father for not being more involved in her life.
I fear that he may no longer be viewed as Daddy or Dad. But, him.
I fear fear itself it seems.

From what I remember my Father (for lack of a better word) and Mother were married but he left our home when I was I believe in Kindergarten. I didn’t understand and my Mother never talked to me about why he left. I always wondered where he was and why I no longer had a Daddy in my life. In my early teens he came around inconsistently and wanted so bad to build this family with his new family. It left me confused. It left me angry.

Co-parenting frightens me. I never wanted to parent a household alone. Didn’t ever want to try to force her Father to spend time with our beautiful daughter. I cannot change him. I cannot make him want to be a Dad. I cannot make him want to spend time with our daughter. While this is not what I had ever imagined, this is my life. And I refuse to live my life in constant fear over someone else’s inability to take responsibility. I made a vow to my daughter 5 years ago when I saw her pale face for the first time. I promised her that I would do everything within my power to create a stable home for her and to be the best Mother I could be. I stand by that promise today regardless of the fact that her Father is absent. And so I will continue being the best Mother I can, I will continue to juggle and sacrifice because that is what being a parent is all about.

*Alexandra is twenty five, and mother to a 5 year old daughter. She is finishing up her coursework to obtain her Bachelor's Degree and created her blog, Mommy Glow to give voice to an unspoken demographic: younger, minority, and single parents.

Doing What You Can

2011-08-19T22:04:00.002-04:00

Michael Lorenzo / Stock Xchng

I hadn't been weighed in at Lucille Roberts for two weeks because last Friday, which is my usual weigh-in day, I had to take care of something personal. A friend of mine in the blogging world had her life ripped apart when her husband, the love of her life, had a massive heart attack and immediately died. Last Friday was his memorial and there wasn't anywhere I was going to be but there, with her. His passing reminded me how precious life is - how valuable every single moment we have on this earth is. It had the effect of renewing my commitment to my health, and making sure that I committed to eating well and working out as much as I can.

As much as I can. That is the key.

I work from home, and the cons to that arrangement is that there is very little work-life balance. My life is my work as a blogger and freelance writer. I am also a full-time, very single mother to a soon-to-be 4-year-old bundle of energy. My days were a difficult juggling act before adding workouts to the party. I cannot be at the gym every day. I cannot even work out every day at home. It doesn't work in my life and I'm not going to sit here and feel bad about that. If I work out a minimum of 4 times a week I am doing as much as I can toward taking care of my health. Some may see that as bare minimum, and to them, that is probably the truth. In my life, though, 4 times a week is a victory over sloth, because before this campaign I was working out 0 times a week. Maybe you know someone, or several people, who will make you feel as if your efforts toward fitness aren't enough. If you know that you are doing the most you can, and you don't give up, then don't get discouraged by what others say. Bare minimum is relative.

Today I weighed in at 163, which is an almost 6 pound loss in 2 weeks time from my last weigh-in. I thought that was great. I lost at least one inch on every measurement throughout my body, nothing stayed the same from my first measurements a month ago. I started this journey at 173.5 - that's a little over 10 pounds lost in a month! I'm shrinking very slowly, but very surely. It's not going as quickly as I would like because I am notoriously impatient with myself, but the truth is I am doing well. I just have to keep believing in myself, and stay focused on the prize - a healthier me. Being slim and gorgeous will just be a happy side effect.

I can do this. I will do this. There is no longer any other alternative. My life depends on it.

*I have been compensated by Lucille Roberts as one of their Blogger Ambassadors with a six month gym membership and free weekly sessions with a trainer. As usual, however, the opinions stated in my posts and/or Tweets about Lucille Roberts are strictly my own and will not be unduly influenced by them in any way other than the quality of service that they provide.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-08-17T22:16:00.000-04:00

Kleenex Field Trips

2011-08-15T13:08:00.001-04:00

I was invited by The Motherhood to visit The American Museum of Natural History and accepting the invitation was a no-brainer since it is Theo's and my favorite museum. This trip was also being hosted by Kleenex Field Trips, whose mission it is to bring back field trips as an integral part of the overall education of our children. Due to budget cuts, more and more of this nation's public schools are having to do away with field trips, and that is something that is deeply saddening to me. I can recall learning so much from my field trips as a child, and I can only hope that my Theo will have access to those same educational experiences.

Our first stop in the museum was at the Frogs: A Chorus of Colors exhibit. If you didn't already know this, you can never go wrong with boys and frogs. Theo was thrilled to see so many frogs, and we were even lucky enough to see some of them being fed! The name "A Chorus of Colors" was beyond apt, as the colors on these frogs were almost shocking. Here it was I thought that frogs came in green - and, I don't know, maybe olive - but instead there were dozens of colors on display. This just goes to prove that you are never to old to learn something on a field trip! My favorite frog was green; the reason he was my favorite was because of the annoyed look on his face:

Theo asked me why he was so mad and I said, "He's on a diet. He misses carbs.", which was met with a quizzical look before he ran off to look at the next frog. One day he will eventually "get" my sense of humor.

One of my favorite things about this experience was the look of intense wonder on my boy's face as he searched for a camouflaged frog in one particular terrarium:

"I found the frog, Mama!", he shouted, proudly. Then he was quickly off to investigate the next set of frogs.

The other thing I got a real kick out of was seeing my son outfitted as a Paleontologist as he dug for dinosaur bones:

As much as Theo loves dinosaurs, this was a special experience for him to be able to pretend that he was a "dino scientist" as he calls it. "Look, Mama; I'm like Dino Dan's father!". As a mother who encourages his active imagination, it was such a delight to see him getting into character like that.

I am so grateful to have been able to share this experience with Theo, and I look forward to the many field trips he and I will take together over the years. I do, however, want him to have experiences like these with his classmates in the future. To learn more about the Kleenex Field Trips initiative please click here.

*Kleenex Field Trips and The Motherhood sponsored our attendance on this trip and my participation in this campaign.

Single Moms Sundays Series, Featuring Tara Dublin

2011-08-14T09:00:00.002-04:00

By Tara Dublin

I’m awesome, only I have to pretend I don’t think so, because it’s not okay for me to think so.

I have a good voice, I’m a good writer, I know a lot about music, and I’m unemployed, so I talk about these things a lot. This makes me an attention whore. So I’m not supposed to talk about these things.

My Twitter name is TaraDublinRocks. This means I think I’m hot shit. Only I don’t, except sometimes when I do.

All of the above is true, but also not true. I know who I am. Other people know who I am. And then there are the people who THINK they know who I am, but really haven’t got the first clue. I’m aware of other peoples’ perceptions of me, and perhaps some (most) of those are wrong, but I’m the one to blame because I’m the one who puts myself out there in a very specific way. But it’s only because I have no choice other than to continue putting myself out there. It’s a vicious circle, this living your life without anyone’s help thing.

These are the cold, hard facts of my life: I was on the radio for five years. Now I’m not, and haven’t been for two years. There are those who think this is a dream I should let go of entirely because I haven’t been hired by a radio station (none of them with a better solution). There are others who think I belong nowhere else but on the air (none of them radio programmers--sadly). There are people who think my book should be published (none of them publishers--ditto), and still more who would love for me to get any sort of job because then I’ll shut the eff up about not having a job (none of them hiring). What would you have me tweet, folks? This is my job until I have job: looking for a job.

Hear this: I’m not an attention whore. I’m a writer and former radio DJ who also happens to be an unemployed single mother. This is who I am, but I need to make myself into a shinier, happier version of myself on a daily basis in order to sell myself. I apparently frustrate people because I haven’t given up on the dream of getting a cool job again. Because I have reaped the benefits of being a supremely minor locally known person in my immediate area (Portland, Oregon) and I don’t want to work retail at the mall, this makes me a snob. Apparently it’s wrong of me to want what I used to have that made me so happy. It also frustrates them that I won’t completely change who I am and shut up and eat shit, because they’d like it a whole lot better if I did. Since when did other people who don’t pay me become the boss of me? Never, that’s when.

In these modern times, one doesn’t have to literally pound the pavement to look for work; you can just put yourself online and hope that someone with money sees you and says, “Hey, look what I found!” Except that almost never happens. And when it does, it’s because the lucky person learned the art of Shameless Self-Promotion. I’ve developed some skillz in this area, which has helped grow my Twitter follower count and drive some new sets of eyes to my blog. Basically, if you want anyone to know who you are, you have to create the best possible version of yourself and then put it on the internet. The hope is you’ll attract all kinds of awesome folk who think you are also awesome. In turn, they will share your awesome with other awesome humans, and at some point, there will be some kind of something that occurs that you can deem a success. Vague enough for you? This is how it goes in the world of social media. It’s all about the right eyes seeing you at the right time.

The only problem with that, of course, is that even when you’re a really nice person with possibly a hair-trigger reaction system and a big mouth, sometimes what you put on the internet can get misconstrued and then people just think you’re a bitch. Once it’s out there, you’re cooked if someone doesn’t like you. People are now making fake Twitter accounts as parodies of real people, and the mean isn’t going to stop anytime soon. Haters are gonna hate, and you have to decide if your skin is thick enough to brush them off.

Since I have no one advocating for me, I have to do it myself. I am my own PR machine. If I see an opportunity flutter by in my Twitter stream, by golly, I’m gonna jump on it. If what I do bothers some (and it seems to), they have the wonderfully American right to choose to unfollow, unfriend, not read my blog, and basically pretend I don’t exist.

Except they don’t do that. So I’m just warning you. Until you have some real measured success, every moment you spend on shameless self-promotion can be misconstrued and used as fodder for the Blue Meanies of the Pepperland that is the internet. But we must bravely go forward, because like the Beatles in the final scenes of “Yellow Submarine”, we are the only ones who can turn the NO’s we get into YES’s.

It’s a lesson I’m trying to teach my sons every day: life is going to come up and punch you in the stomach sometimes. You have a choice in that moment: lay on the ground in a fetal position and cry, hoping someone comes along and saves you; or you can get up, take a deep breath, say, “Well, that sucked!” and go on. So we go on. Because we have no other choice. It’s okay to advocate for yourself if no one else does. You know you’re a rock star in your own way (even if your day starts with a crying jag in the shower). Front like it in the public eye, have your breakdowns in private. Don’t let the bastards get you down. Use your humor as a shield when you need to. Grab every opportunity and never apologize for fighting for your piece of the pie.

And for all that is right and holy in this world, please share this blog with anyone you know who might be looking for writers to pay. (See? That’s how you do it, girlfriend.)

Tara Dublin is a single mom and freelance writer in Portland, Oregon. Follow her on Twitter @taradublinrocks and check out her blog at www.taradublinonline.com.

Single Mama NYC has Been Nominated At PARENTS Magazine!

2011-08-11T09:30:00.002-04:00

Single Mama NYC has been nominated at Parents Magazine for Best All-Around Mom Blog! It's rare that a single mom blog gets nominated for Best All-Around Mom Blog, and right now I am the only single mom in that category - so exciting! Would you please vote for me (you can vote once daily)!

Click here to vote!

Thank you so much!!!

XOXO!

Wordless Wednesday

2011-08-10T10:31:00.001-04:00

Be Vigilant

2011-08-09T10:34:00.002-04:00

Ilco / Stock Xchng

When you change bad habits you need to be vigilant and study the reactions of the people in your life. There is usually, unfortunately, someone who prefers you the way you were for their comfort. These people love to tell you how those behaviors aren't so bad, or throw quotes at you like "everything in moderation is fine". Don't get sabotaged. If you know that you are doing right by you in making the changes that you are making, then no, don't have "one harmless cocktail", or "just one cigarette", or bad fatty foods "just this once". Make changes in your life in the manner that works for YOU, period. It's no one's body - or life - but your own.

Misery loves company, my friends. It also usually loves cocktails, cigarettes, and fatty foods.

Single Moms Sunday Series, Featuring Donna McKee

2011-08-07T09:00:00.017-04:00

Back in November of 2009, when The EX decided he wanted out of our marriage, I felt like my world had ended. I could never have imagined that it would happen to me, and I certainly did not think that I was going to ever feel happy again. All of my friends and family kept telling me I was strong and I would get through it. And while I appreciated their support and love, I wanted to punch the next person who told me I was strong.

The last thing in the world I felt was strong. Strong women don’t spend hours crying on the kitchen floor, hoping their kid won’t see them and ask what’s wrong. Strong women don’t require a prescription for anti-anxiety pills just to be able to breathe normally. And strong women certainly don’t wish with their whole hearts that the man who betrayed them would come back. And I was doing all those things.
It did finally dawn on me a couple of months ago that strength has nothing to do with how you feel, and everything to do with what you do. It doesn’t matter why you do the things that take strength, it only matters that you do them. I wanted to lie in bed all day with the covers pulled up over my head and cry. But I couldn’t. I had a daughter to take care of. If I didn’t get out of bed to feed her and care for her, I would lose her. So while the thought of just getting out of bed seemed like more than I could handle, the consequences of what would happen if I didn’t get out of bed scared me so much that I had to do it.
Strength also entails asking for help and taking help. For me, the help I was offered was most often a shoulder to cry on, or just the presence of someone who loved me. I got fairly good at that part. When I could see myself starting to falter, I would reach out to a girlfriend and ask to meet for lunch, or I’d go to my parents’ house and let them take care of me for a while.
I still stumbled. I still cried in the kitchen or in the garage or in the shower. But I was living my life too. And eventually I was doing more living and less crying. I do have strength after all. Who knew? I guess everyone around me who saw it in me before I knew I had it.
Courage is another matter. I am a huge coward. Or I used to be. I’m trying to embrace a new mantra of “Be Brave!” Being brave is what got me to New Orleans for a conference last week, when no one I knew was going. I’m not exactly a shy person, but I’m also not comfortable with being the odd man out. But it was something I was scared of, and doing it made me feel better. I’m really trying to live my life without fear, but it’s so hard for a recovering control freak.
Of course bravery isn’t the lack of fear. Bravery is being scared of something and doing it anyway. I’ve gotten over a lot of hurdles in the past year and a half, and it’s scared the shit out of me many times. I still have a couple more that I’m staring down the barrel of right now.
Strength and courage are in all of us. They are choices we make. We make them every day, in a million small ways. I’m going to work hard to Be Brave, and I hope that some of you out there will make the choice to do it to.

Donna McKee is a single mom trying to get her feet back under her. She has one four year old daughter who keeps things just crazy enough to be hilarious. Donna keeps herself sane with vodka and handbags. You can find her at PhatDonna.

Do It Anyway

2011-08-05T15:00:00.005-04:00

Christa Richert / Stock Xchng

Today was my weigh-in at Lucille Roberts. I am now at 168.8 lbs., from last week's 171.5, for a total of 2.7 lbs. lost this week. That's not so bad considering it was "that time of the month" for me all week. The weight loss isn't the biggest issue for me, though; it's the workouts that I am finding hard to deal with.

I hate working out. No, let me be as clear as I can - I HATE WORKING OUT!!! People keep telling me to find what I enjoy doing and then I will learn to enjoy exercising.

"You really enjoyed Boxing, you should keep at that!"

"You thought Zumba was fun, why don't you just do more of it?"

When I said I liked Boxing and Zumba, that was relative. What I really like to do is sit around and eat. What I least like to do is anything that requires physical strength (because I have so little of it now), and feeling out of breath (because my lungs try to secede from my body during any form of intense physical activity). I liked Boxing and Zumba because, relative to everything else I have to do during training, it doesn't make me want to puke mid-training session. Today I had barely finished my last exercise with my trainer before the tears began to fall and I locked myself in a bathroom stall at the gym and cried like my cat just died. Overwhelmed with how physically weak I am, and how very far I have to go to be anywhere near fit, I just broke down. I had no strength left, inside or out.

Maybe you're like me. Maybe you hate working out. Maybe you'd rather just stay where you are because it's easier and it hurts less. I hear you. I feel the same way.

Work out anyway.

As I stood in that stall crying like a 7-year-old kid, all I wanted to do was give up. Screw this, I thought. I can't do it. I'm too weak for this. I don't want to do this anymore.

Too bad, Issa. Do it anyway.

We all have to do things in life that we don't necessarily want to do but that must be done regardless. This isn't about what I want anymore, it's about what I need, and I need to start taking care of Issa like she matters. To my son, I do matter, and for him I will do anything, even this. Understanding that I may never be one of those lucky people who just LOVE! to work out is part of accepting myself for who I am. I may never, ever, love to work out. Irrelevant; I will do it anyway. I will do it because my body needs to regain health and strength and it is long overdue - whether I like it or not. This isn't about what's comfortable anymore, it's about growth. Maybe you don't like paying bills, but I bet you like to have lights on in your house, and so you do what needs to be done to make that happen. Not everything in life is a joyride, my friends, and in the end, it is the harder thing to do that makes you grow and brings you results. If you wait until you find something fun!, enjoyable!, easier!, you may never get yourself healthy. Working out is hard, but so is life sometimes. You need to get the physical strength necessary to push forward when things are at their hardest and exercising will help you to develop that strength.

So, what did I learn this week? Face your fears and self-doubt, allow yourself your moments of weakness, but whatever it is that feels too difficult? Do it anyway.

*I have been compensated by Lucille Roberts as one of their Blogger Ambassadors with a six month gym membership and free weekly sessions with a trainer. As usual, however, the opinions stated in my posts and/or Tweets about Lucille Roberts are strictly my own and will not be unduly influenced by them in any way other than the quality of service that they provide.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-08-03T00:00:00.000-04:00

Moms for TOMS

2011-08-02T11:25:00.006-04:00

Theo holding up his fresh pair of TOMS shoes

If you don't already know about TOMS, the shoes that seem to be on practically everyone's feet these days, then let me tell you why I bought a pair. Yes, they are cute. Yes, they're comfy. There are a thousand cute and comfy shoes out there, though. The reason I bought them is because of their "One For One" movement, which brings shoes to the feet of thousands of children in need every year since 2006. With all of the important needs impoverished children have, what is the big deal about giving them shoes? Their website points out:

Many children in developing countries grow up barefoot. Whether at play, doing chores or going to school, these children are at risk:

•A leading cause of disease in developing countries is soil-transmitted diseases, which can penetrate the skin through bare feet. Wearing shoes can help prevent these diseases, and the long-term physical and cognitive harm they cause.

•Wearing shoes also prevents feet from getting cuts and sores. Not only are these injuries painful, they also are dangerous when wounds become infected.

•Many times children can't attend school barefoot because shoes are a required part of their uniform. If they don't have shoes, they don't go to school. If they don't receive an education, they don't have the opportunity to realize their potential.

You can see why I thought it important to buy a pair of their shoes to support this cause.

When Jessica Shyba of Momma's Gone City invited me to a "Style Your Sole" party at her house in support of TOMS shoes, I knew that Theo and I had to attend. Theo got to have some artsy fun and take shoes that were literally a blank canvas:

The artistic genius at work

and turn them into his own personal masterpiece:

His homage to Jackson Pollack

In the end, Theo had shoes that he could proudly say that he "made", and I got the opportunity to share a company with you that is doing good work for children in need all over the world. We all know companies that donate 10 or 20 cents to charitable causes when you make a purchase, but this company gives a child an entire pair of shoes for each one that is purchased. Companies like TOMS allow me to make a purchase that puts a genuine smile on my face:

The proud Mama Bear

For the good work that you do TOMS, I say thank you. As a mother, as a human being, and as a global citizen, thank you.

*Theo and I were each given a free pair of TOMS shoes at this Style Your Sole party, but I already bought a pair for myself a few months ago in support of the work that they do.

Single Moms Sundays Series, Featuring Natasha Vianna

2011-07-31T11:32:00.001-04:00

*Single Moms Sundays is a series of guest posts by single moms that will serve to demonstrate the varied experiences and circumstances that shape and color a community filled with diversity.

A Break from Mommyville

By Natasha Vianna

When I think of the 2011 mother, I imagine strong working women who can multi-task without sacrificing time with their children. All of this is achievable but it certainly is not easy.

Because our image embraces courage and stability, mothers are not allowed to display weakness. The perfect example is when Charlotte, in Sex and the City 2, breaks down and cries to Miranda. She admits she is having a hard time and that parenting is difficult.

Mothers of all ages in all places of the world feel overwhelmed at times. Yet, many of us feel like showing a bit of unhappiness will define us bad mothers. We are meant to love and enjoy parenting – which we do – but we aren’t allowed to be unhappy.

Controlling emotions is a difficult task and sometimes we cannot control how we feel. There can be times where we have that ball of sadness growing in our chests but we hold back the tears. We feel like letting it show would make us less of a parent.

I have been there. We can be afraid to ask for help and ashamed to admit we aren’t enjoying parts of parenting. Truth is everyone feels this at one point or another. There is no way our lives can transform completely and we effortlessly adapt without surges of uncontrollable emotions.

How did I get through it? I did lots of talking, sharing, and relating.

When I discovered parenting groups and blogging, my stress became manageable. Knowing there are people who feel what I feel helped me accept and relieve myself from my worries. Now, here I am, addicted to blogging and oversharing on the web. It’s just so refreshing and encouraging!

When you need to take a break from Mommyville, what do you like to do?

Natasha Vianna, 23, is a single mother who cares for her daughter, works, blogs and has fun. Along with her own desire to succeed as a woman and parent, one of her missions is to inspire teen girls to advocate for themselves, make positive decisions in life and avoid unplanned pregnancies. Check out her blog at natashavianna.com.

Pushing Past Feeling Discouraged

2011-07-29T22:05:00.005-04:00

Glenda Otero / Stock Xchng

As you probably know by now, I am a Lucille Roberts Blogger Ambassador, and I have committed to losing weight, getting fit, and changing my life so that fitness and healthy eating become a part of my life for good. Up until today, I was feeling so much better physically - more energy, less trouble getting up stairs, and a bit stronger overall. Today, though, I woke up feeling like I'd gotten hit by the PMS Truck, and, well, it has taken its toll on my fame of mind. I was weighed in at Lucille Roberts today, and I am now 171.5, a 2 lb. weight loss since last week. For some reason, the fact that I had only lost 2 lbs. after how hard I have worked the past week made me feel extremely discouraged. So discouraged, in fact, that I felt like bawling. My trainer, Jason, reminded me that a 2lb. weight loss was an appropriate amount of weight to lose per week. I know for a fact that losing 2 lbs. per week is a smart way to lose weight - not too much and not too quickly (fast off, fast back on again), but I had hoped to see a larger amount of weight loss when I stepped on that scale and the disappointment was, well, rather large as well.
What was worse is that my training today felt unbearably long, and extremely difficult, just adding to my feeling of discouragement. Even though Jason pointed out that I did my planks for 30 seconds as opposed to only 10 seconds last week, and I did way more push-ups this week than last week, I just felt weak and tired and oh-so-defeated. I wanted to go home, crawl under the covers, and just sleep. Until Monday.

What I did afterward today, was something I don't normally do, though. I pushed through, past the feeling of being discouraged. I left the gym, went grocery shopping and carried home heavy shopping bags all by myself (as usual!), made a healthy lunch, then went to the nanny's to pick my Theo up and bring him to a fun event held by a blogger friend that I will be posting about soon. I did all that, despite wanting to call my nanny and tell her to keep Theo until much later, so that I could just sit on my couch with my 2 "best" friends - a pint of Haagen Dazs and a spoon. I pushed past it because I promised you all that I would, I pushed past it because my kid deserves to have a healthy and fit mother who will be around for a long while to come, but mostly I pushed past it because I deserve to be healthy and fit, dammit. I deserve this. I deserve to feel proud of something other than mothering and writing. I deserve to feel proud about getting through something really hard and earning the prize at the end of the struggle - a healthier, leaner, stronger Issa. I deserve this. And nothing - not even PMS - is going to keep me from achieving this goal.

Pushing past feeling discouraged is new for me, but since I am already breaking through my comfort zone while on this journey, I might as well take that on, too. Looks like I'm not just developing stronger muscles, but stronger character as well.

*I have been compensated by Lucille Roberts as one of their Blogger Ambassadors with a six month gym membership and free weekly sessions with a trainer. As usual, however, the opinions stated in my posts and/or Tweets about Lucille Roberts are strictly my own and will not be unduly influenced by them in any way other than the quality of service that they provide.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-07-27T09:08:00.002-04:00

Focus On Fitness With Lucille Roberts

2011-07-22T22:29:00.004-04:00

My Official "Before" Picture

I've gotten fat. I'm 5'5", 173.5 pounds, and a size 16. I didn't just get a little fat, I got FAT fat. And while I am quite vain and enjoy looking good, for the first time in my life I don't want to lose weight to look good in my jeans - I want to get fit because I plan on being around for the next 50 to 60 years so that I can see my son grow into an amazing man. I'm supposed to say I want to get fit for me, but the reality is I had stopped caring. The thing is, my baby needs me alive and well for a very long time to come, and that is one of the reasons that I have accepted an incredible offer by Lucille Roberts to be one of their Blogger Ambassadors. The other reason is to remind you, my Single Mama Sisters, that we must take care of ourselves. It's like the in-flight safety film - if you don't put your oxygen mask on first, both you and your child will pass out, or worse. We have to take care of ourselves because for some of us, we are all that our children have. With that said, I will be sharing my journey to fitness with you over the next few months so that I can rally my ladies in support of this very difficult endeavor, and also in the hopes of inspiring many of you to grab the bull by the horns and take a step toward making your health and fitness a top priority in your life.

So, today I had my first training at Lucille Roberts, and it was really, really hard. So hard, in fact, that I teared up in the middle of doing an exercise - not because of how difficult it was, but because I was overwhelmed by how physically weak I'd become. Jason, my trainer, was awesome though, and while he is very firm, he's also extremely supportive, and made me feel like it would all be okay. He emphasized slow and measured growth, and assured me that the small steps I am taking today are the stepping stones for a fitter, healthier me. Lili, the manager at my Lucille Roberts location, is also extremely supportive - so much so that she took my cell phone number down on Wednesday when we first met and texted me yesterday to remind me that it would be hot today so I'd better bring lots of water with me! Even Barbara Pallante, the director of operations, was amazingly supportive, and said something that I loved hearing a brand representative say, "My goal is to get you fit and healthy, to share Lucille Roberts with your readers, and mostly to encourage all women to make their health and fitness a priority no matter where they go to get fit.". And that is something I can fully support with pride.

So, sisters, join me. Find just one area in your life right now in which you can improve your health and fitness. Is it eating more vegetables and less processed carbs? Walking briskly after dinner with your children instead of just sitting and watching TV? Only you can know what will work for you, but let's start this journey to fitness together, one step at a time.

*I have been compensated by Lucille Roberts as one of their Blogger Ambassadors with a six month gym membership and free weekly sessions with a trainer. As usual, however, the opinions stated in my posts and/or Tweets about Lucille Roberts are strictly my own and will not be unduly influenced by them in any way other than the quality of service that they provide.

Worldess Wednesday

2011-07-20T09:11:00.000-04:00

Single Moms Sundays Series, Featuring Cori Kesler

2011-07-17T09:05:00.004-04:00

*Single Moms Sundays is a series of guest posts by single moms that will serve to demonstrate the varied experiences and circumstances that shape and color a community filled with diversity

Rules and Routines
By Cori Kesler

Getting a baby to nap or sleep all night takes a lot of strength. It also requires routine. Every parent knows that when things stay the same it provides a comforting familiarity. When my kids were young, I made my plans around nap-time. Missing the afternoon siesta resulted in meltdowns at dinner that could take hours to tame. I learned quickly not to change the things that worked.

I don't have babies anymore. My kids are 10 and almost 6 but routine still matters... but more for me, than them.

It started with the garbage. Taking it out every Thursday evening had been my husband's job. Now that I was alone the job - like so many other things - was mine. Then one night about a year ago, as I dragged the bins the curb, it dawned on me that I hadn't thought much about the garbage for months. "Remembering" to take it out had become as second nature as bringing in the mail every day...

This was a huge revelation because, although the weekly "routine" seemed to be under control, daily activities were not. The worst of it occurred in the morning rush to school - what to wear, eat for breakfast, pack lunch, etc. DVD's were watched while eating and fights broke out when it was time to leave ("just five more minutes!!!") School starts at eight a.m. We were always late.

So I started to institute new rules and routines. Not just for the kids - but for me. Lunches had to be made and packed the night before - likewise for choosing my daughter's outfits. I had to get up earlier and shower before waking them. No electronics in the morning. Ever. No matter what. NO.

The first week was hard. Like you, I'm tired at the end of the day. I've worked, carted kids around, made dinner, gone grocery shopping and any number of other things. But I made myself do the lunches every single night. Upon waking, the relief of having this chore done was significant.

It's been over 10 months and I've got the routine perfected now. I wake every morning pleased that the "night-time-me" took care of the "morning-time-me". In fact, I'm thinking of adding the laundry to my routine - right now it piles up until everyone runs out of clean underwear - then I spend an entire weekend washing and folding and putting away.... What if I put in a load every night before bed, throw it in the dryer when I wake up and fold after dinner? Maybe I could get a handle on it.... On the other hand, that sounds like a lot.

I've listed what I do below. How do you manage? What are your life-saving routines?

Evening Routine (while the kids entertain themselves after dinner and/or after they go to bed)

choose my daughter's clothes with her
clear table and clean dinner dishes
make lunches
prepare coffee maker

Morning Routine (while the kids sleep *note I sleep downstairs and the rest of the house is upstairs)

wake at six and go upstairs
push the button on the coffee maker
shower
fill my mug with coffee, smile at the filled lunch boxes when I open the fridge to grab the cream, and go back downstairs
dress
sit down on my bed with my coffee and iPad or laptop and play (ie. Words with Friends, twitter, facebook, etc) and respond to email.
7 a.m. I wake the kids and get them dressed
they're eating breakfast by 7:30 (and I'm finding I have time to make them pancakes if they want)
and we're out the door by 10 to 8
(requests to use an "electronics" (tv, computer, iPad, iPhone, Droid, DS) are met with a firm no and a nod to the craft box.)

Cori Kesler is a self-employed single mom of two working in graphic design and social media. Her blog, Embracing the Absurd, recounts the trials and tribulations of separation, divorce, co-parenting, and mid-life dating with a recipe or two thrown in for flavor. She tweets incessantly and transparently @berzerkeley.

I Don't Know How Single Moms Do It

2011-07-14T12:29:00.002-04:00

Gabriella Fabbri / Stock Xchng

I know that people mean well when they say, "I don't know how you single moms do it!". I know that they do. Yet, we "do it" just like any other mother - with love, with hope, with faith. Yes, single moms work harder than most, but our joys and our victories are OUR OWN. It all balances out in the end, so please don't feel sorry for us, (IF that's where it comes from).

For many it isn't pity at all that stirs one to say the afore-mentioned phrase, for most it is admiration that prompts them to say it. I absolutely get that - and thank you! And while many single moms take it as the compliment that it was intended to be, to others, though, it can come across as slightly condescending at times. From our end it can sometimes sound like, "Wow, look at how much you do with so little!", which, negates how much we actually do have to offer our children, and our lives together. And while I believe that it's usually said from a place of admiration, that sentiment can often get lost in translation. Expressing admiration for the single mom just as a Mom would be more than enough. Single moms rarely say to married moms, "I don't know how you balance the needs of your husband with the needs of your kids!". Moms simply express admiration for other good moms, because in the end, that's what it boils down to - being a good mom.

If you aren't a single mom and you're reading this, I personally thank you for any admiration and appreciation you express to single mothers. We often do not get much external validation, which can be frustrating at times. May I suggest that you merely express your admiration for how good of a mother she is, and leave the "single" part out of it, if possible? When it comes to being a mother, married or not, it's always about our doing the very best we can, and pointing out that we are good moms is usually enough to make us feel validated, which I'm sure is the intention behind what is said.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-07-13T09:52:00.001-04:00

Single Moms Luncheon in New York City – Two July Dates

2011-07-11T12:00:00.000-04:00

I will be hosting a single moms luncheon for Babybites.com on two separate dates in July - the 19th and the 21st.

Whether by choice or circumstance, being a single mom can be both a rewarding and challenging role. Single moms often feel overwhelmed without a second pair of hands around to help, but establishing a network of other moms with common experiences will give you the support and guidance you need to make your motherhood journey easier and more enjoyable!

Issa Mas, single mom, life coach, and creator of yoursingleparenting.com will be our guest to answer any questions and chat about the unique challenges single moms face:

■Asking for help & establishing a support system: How to avoid the “Super Mom” trap

■Making time for yourself so that YOU are taken care of as well

■Enjoying the role of single parenting

■Financial Security

■Working & Childcare

■Guilt & Stigma Issues

Come together with other single moms that share your experiences in a casual, supportive environment and leave with great tools and resources for navigating single parenthood successfully. This lunch is perfect for expectant moms, new moms or moms that have returned to their career. If you’ve already gone back to work – feel free to come without the baby for a helpful discussion.
For more information, or to register: http://manhattan.babybites.com/manhattan-events/luncheons/

Bob The Builder Splash Works at Splashdown Beach, Fishkill, NY

2011-07-10T12:12:00.015-04:00

Theo is the one in the orange striped shirt, trying to help cut the ribbon.

Theo, being three years old, has certain kid-friendly "idols", and Bob the Builder is one of them. When we were invited to attend the opening of Bob the Builder Splash Works at Splashdown Beach, even though it was 1 and a half hours away in Fishkill, NY (which can seem daunting to a New Yorker without a car!), I knew that I just had to accept the invitation. I asked my mom and her husband if they would be willing to take us, and of course they agreed to. So, early Friday morning we were off on our "adventure", as Theo and I like to call our outings, although I kept the destination a surprise because I wanted to see the look on his face when we arrived!

We arrived just in time for the ribbon-cutting with Bob the Builder and the people behind the opening of Bob the Builder's Splash Works. The actual Bob the Builder area is not very big, but as it is meant for children ages 1 to 5 it was a perfectly-sized area for really little children (less of an area to run after them in!). There is more than enough for children in this age range to play with, and I actually had to gently push him out of Bob the Builder's Splash Works area in order to go and explore the other areas of Splashdown Beach.

I found the rest of the water park to be filled with things for Theo to do, as there was a pirate-themed area with a pool that was only 1 foot 9 inches deep - just perfect for my little guy (he hasn't begun swimming lessons yet so the shallow pools are just right for him). There is also a Wave Pool that starts very shallow and goes up to 6 feet deep for older kids and better swimmers. The "Lazy River" was nice for Theo and I as well.

Over all I would say Splashdown Beach is definitely worth the trip if you have young children (although older siblings can be dropped off at the Wave Pool and will have fun as well). I've never seen Theo so comfortable in the water and a happy little guy always makes for a happy mama! Splashdown Beach is open until September 5th, so if you're looking for watery Summer fun, you'll all have a truly great time there!

*While we were given complimentary admission to attend this event, I have not been otherwise compensated for this post. The views and opinions expressed here are solely my own, and besides, Theo doesn't know it was free, he just knows it was fun!

Single Moms Sundays Series, Featuring Claudia George

2011-07-10T11:15:00.003-04:00

By Claudia George

This article by Autism Support Network really resonates with me. I always expect my son to attempt to improve, to try and to put his best foot forward in anything he does. Even if he eventually decides it's not for him, at least he tried his best.

Claudia's Beautiful Son

For the longest time, grandma has been going out of her way to find and buy my son shoes with velcro and I was okay with that (especially the cost savings) but I finally decided it was time to challenge him. I took my son to a Nike outlet not long ago; maybe three to 4 weeks ago. The first shocker was that my son needed to wear a men's shoe in size 7.5. Yikes. He's 10 and can no longer fit a child shoe size. The second shock of amazement was that I was able to talk him into trying to tie the laces as he tried them on. I showed him the bunny ears process of tying and then the double knotting to keep the laces snugly tied. I did also have the ulterior motive to find him shoes he could wear to run with me and double as shoes he can wear to school. He'll run with me sometimes. He's actually been able to run up to 1.5 miles without stopping.
At first, while looking for the new shoes and found some to try on, he resisted and looked like he was ready to go towards meltdown mode. However, he's learned to read my face. He could see I was not about to back down and I had the look of determination. It could also have been because it was a weeknight and he was tired and wanted to go home and play video games so he just caved. That also made me think, crap, now he'll only wear them today and never again. But as it turns out, he's been wearing them all the time and not asking for his velcro Sketchers.
He struggles with the laces but less every time unless it's one of those mornings but he never has wanted the velcro ones back. I like to think I have a hand in his ability to not give up on trying to tie those shoes and wear them. They look great and he looks more put together. His friends at school commented on his shoes and I think that has helped him want to continue to wear them as well.

I always tell my son that anything worth having is worth working hard for. If you get things too easily you don't appreciate them as much as when you had to work and earn them yourself. This in turn makes you appreciate what you get for free even more because you realize the value of the item before you. So likewise the value of what you have achieved will shine brighter and make you more complete. The expectations I set today will be his successes tomorrow, not mine. I just want the peace of mind of knowing he can take care of himself when I am no longer around.

Claudia George is a single, divorced, Latina mom to one child. Her son is diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome, a form of high functioning autism. Claudia works in an IT field full-time, earned her MBA in 2009 and, sells Avon part-time. You can find her at The Story of C.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-07-06T11:18:00.001-04:00

The Berenstain Bears Live!

2011-07-04T11:10:00.014-04:00

Theo loves bears. I'm not altogether sure why that is, but he loves them. So, when I got invited to preview The Berenstain Bears Live! I didn't even hesitate. Conveniently located on West 60th Street, the proximity to our apartment, and the subject matter - BEARS! - made it impossible to not go check it out, and Theo and I were so glad that we did!

Three is a peculiar age, children at this age are alternately fearless and phobic. My Theo doesn't like "scary" shows (which could be anything from sounds that are too loud to house lights turned down too low), but The Berenstain Bears Live! was not in the least bit "scary" to him, thank goodness! There were lots of funny songs, not-so-subtle messages like avoiding junk food and being careful around strangers, and even when the house lights were turned down it never felt "scary", which is helpful for when you have a child who can be sensitive to those things.

Theo had a blast, it was perfectly timed so as not to run too long (little people do not do well with sitting for very long as I am SURE you know), and I thought it was cute without being too precious. After the show you can have your children's noses painted like a bear's nose and take pictures with the cast. It's sure to make your kid feel like an Off-Broadway Star!

If you are in the New York City Tri-state area, be sure to check out The Berenstain Bears Live!. They have a range of ticket prices so that any budget should be accommodated. If you do go, be sure to let me know what you and your kids thought of it!

The Berenstain Bears Live!
MMAC - Manhattan Movement and Arts Center
248 West 60th Street, New York, NY 10023

Single Moms Sundays Series, Featuring Nan Gibbons

2011-07-03T09:28:00.001-04:00

*Single Moms Sundays is a series of guest posts by single moms that will serve to demonstrate the varied experiences and circumstances that shape and color a community filled with diversity.

Miguel Saavedra / Stock Xchng

Single Parenting
By Nan Gibbons

Two years ago, I was one half of what I thought to be a very stable team. My husband Nathan and I had just celebrated our three-year wedding anniversary, the birth of our son Reid and the success of our up and coming fitness and nutrition business. I relied on Nathan, not only as a husband and father, but also as a business partner. He was the brains managing the behind-the-scenes maintenance for the business and I was the brawn giving personal training sessions and nutritional advice to our clients. When Nathan asked for a divorce because he was unhappy, I was stunned. Things weren’t amazing, business causes stress and a newborn son often added to that, but wasn’t he supposed to love me through both the good and bad times?

Reality hit me hard. I was left with a young son and a business that Nathan no longer wanted to run. Sure I could handle diapers, crying and the long hours with clients, but filing taxes, online payroll and client billing? Financials and accounting were things I was in no way prepared to take on. I felt ashamed at my lack of involvement in the business side of our union. I had no idea where to begin both with taking on life as a single parent and as a sole business owner. I knew it wasn’t the end of the world, but at the time I felt hopeless, alone and lost.

After months of self-pity, I decided enough was enough. I couldn’t control what Nathan wanted, I could only control myself. In considering my different options for parenting, running the business and keeping sane, I took to the internet. I began by just browsing. Reading anything and everything I could about single parenting, entrepreneurship and really anything that made me smile. I started running across other women blogging about divorce, single-parenting and even running a successful business. Each page started to feel like a special gift wrapped up just for me. It felt like I knew them and their situations. I sympathized with their failures and found joy in their triumphs.

Once I started to understand the power behind their words and all the help it provided me, I couldn’t help but try my hand at blogging. I started writing about my daily triumphs and defeats. I spared myself no shame, when I made big business mistakes or let Reid fall off the couch, I blogged about it. But I also tried to share my small successes like Reid’s first words and garnering my 100th client. I blogged and blogged and blogged. I didn’t know if anyone was reading, but I really didn’t care. I found the best outlet for my trials and tribulations and I felt – for the first time since my divorce – like I was in control.

It took me months to garner up the courage to turn to someone, or in my case something, for help. I couldn’t escape the gaping void in my heart and I couldn’t ignore the way my business suffered after Nathan left. I did have the power, however, to find a way to fix it. I had no idea how to efficiently run the business or raise a child. I had to teach myself through trial and error, and in sharing that through my blogging, hopefully I allowed others to laugh, cry and learn with me. Blogging may not be for everyone, but it taught me how important it is to find help when you need it. I’ll never be the expert on business or single parenting, but a simple online search can lead me to the person who may just have all the answers.

Nan Gibbons is the proud mother of her son Reid. She also owns and operates a person training company as well as advises on nutrition and fitness at national and international sporting events. She and Reid enjoy visiting the beach and teaching their puppy Cody new tricks! You can find her at http://www.eatbreatheblog.com/.

Progress

2011-06-28T22:32:00.005-04:00

ckgd2 / Stock Xchng

Someone hurt me. Inadvertently. Irreparably. Profoundly.
It is someone who I used to love unconditionally. It is someone I adored. I see them for who they truly are now. They no longer matter. Why do they no longer matter, you ask? That person no longer matters because I have made the kind of progress that is most meaningful to me at this stage of my life.

"What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself." - Hecato of Rhodes

And my heart is finally free.

Choosing Single Motherhood via IVF

2011-06-24T11:39:00.002-04:00

On Fridays from 12 noon to 1pm, Heartbeat Radio for Women hosts the Mom Hour, where moms with popular blogs and/or websites are invited to be Guest Hosts and talk about subjects that are near and dear to their hearts. I will be the Guest Host today, Friday, June 24th, so come join me! I will be talking about Choosing Single Motherhood via IVF, and the notion that is at times perceived as radical that single motherhood isn't necessarily a circumstance that is thrusted upon women through an unkind fate. Single Motherhood can also be a choice, a joyful, exciting, and enriching one!

All of you know how very important it is for me to not only be a coach for single moms, but to advocate for us to be viewed in a more positive and accurate light. Today we'll be talking to Calliope from Creating Motherhood, and Nancy from Single Mothers by Choice, who chose to become single mothers through artificial insemnation and/or IVF.
If you'd like to call in with any questions or to share your own experience as a woman who chose single parenting through artificial insemination or IVF, please call: (352) 728-1410. Join us!

Wordless Wednesday

2011-06-22T10:41:00.001-04:00

What Is Family?

2011-06-14T10:49:00.004-04:00

My Family

I just read a post by the blogger, Dooce, wishing her daughter a Happy Birthday. The end of the post made my stomach tie up in knots, though, and entirely due to my own conditioning. She writes at the end of her post about looking at her family and wanting to preserve the moment. "I want to squeeze the air and nuzzle it under my chin, because this is my family. I have a family.", she wrote, and I suddenly felt myself reacting to that in a way that was a bit painful: I reacted to it as a defensive single mom. Her family. A real one; one with a mom AND a dad -- not half of one, like mine. That's what I read when I read those words, which had nothing to do with what was actually written. Crazy, yes?

Yes.

When you're a single mom, sometimes you have already bought so much stock in the traditional perspective of "family" that you react to things that aren't even there. I do have a family. Theo and I are a family. A family of two. I know this, he knows this, the world knows this. Past conditioning, however, is insidious, and just when you think you've started to slay your demons they come back to bite you in the arse. The family I grew up to make may have only been a family of two, but I'm starting to realize how much of that actually matters is less about "reality" and more about perception; conditioning. Stripping off those layers of conditioning is hard work, but essential to becoming a freer person and parent.

What are the ways in which you react to things that aren't really there because of your conditioning? Perhaps, if you look at the way your past conditioning is causing you to feel negatively about certain things, you can begin to free yourself. With all of the many ways in which single mothers must be responsible for so much, we deserve as much freedom as we can get.

Single Moms Sundays, Featuring Jenni Conner

2011-06-12T09:00:00.012-04:00

*Single Moms Sundays is a series of guest posts by single moms that will serve to demonstrate the varied experiences and circumstances that shape and color a community filled with diversity.

Self-Esteem and Dating
By Jenni Conner

At the end of this month it will be two years. It will be two years since I came home from work and found all of his things, including the new flat screen TV, gone. It was the day that I felt sadness, panic, and relief. It was also the day that I started to redefine myself.

In this article I’m going to say the same thing I have said over-and-over again, to I don’t know how many people. When I met ‘the ex’ I was 19-years-old and he was 30. I thought I had found true love, and his mother felt I was his saving grace. When we met he was working two dead end jobs, had no car, and couldn’t even afford to pay his rent. But I was 19! I was in love! Who cared about what this guy did or didn’t have! I had no standards.

I look back at my 19-year-old self and I wish I had been smarter. I wish I had seen my ex, looked at him and saw the word “trouble” stamped across his stupid forehead. I wish someone would have grabbed me, shook me, and told me what an idiot I was being. But none of that happened, and I had no standards. Fast forward six years, two children, and one marriage later and there I was standing in my half empty rental house.

When I entered into the dating world I had told myself that I was going to do things differently. I wasn’t going to date to find a relationship. I was going to date, to date. I was going to date, to help me figure out who I was. I was going to date to help me figure out who I was looking for. I wasn’t going to date post-separation looking for the next love of my life. And guess what? Through the dating I have done I developed standards.

I found the men I dated through the infamous Match.com. For six months I was asked out on dates, and very few of them got a second. But the men I went on dates with were indeed, MEN. They all had their own places, some were single dads, they had their own car, and had jobs that paid at least $50k a year. I dated military men, IT geniuses, an ASPCA spokesman, men that traveled the world for their work, men who invested in real-estate, and the list goes on. In short, they could take care of themselves. These men helped me realize that I was worth more than a pizza delivery guy who could barely make rent. None of them were relationship material (for me), but they served their purpose. I got dinner and fun conversations, a night on the town, and a boost in self-esteem.

I think one of the hardest things to do when you become a single parent, is gain back your self-esteem. It is especially difficult to feel comfortable with the idea of dating again. I never would have guessed that the two would go in hand-in-hand, but I’m thankful they did. Two years after being single I have one foot over the line of “ready for a relationship” and the second is just refusing to follow. Every instance I feel that “maybe I’m ready,” I feel a tug on my shoulder telling me that I’m not. For once in my life I’m completely okay with that. There is no rush, and I know that I can take my time. If I’m not ready, I’m not ready, and there’s no reason to force myself to be. When I am ready that stubborn second foot will follow.

Jenni Conner is a single mom to two little girls. They have been a happy family of three girls since June 2009. Their mommy only journey has been quite an adventure. They drove across country to move from the East Coast to the Central Coast of California. They've had ups, they've had downs, and they keep ‘round and ‘round. Aside from being a single parent Jenni is also a full-time Communications student. She’s looking to branch out into the media world, and make her imprint on people's lives in some sort of way through her words. As an individual Jenni loves to share her story and point of view. Her life has taken her down many different roads, all of which have made her a very open minded momma. She’s adopted, a child of divorce, twice married, and only in her late 20’s. Experience is her middle name, and she’s gotten through it all with her children, horses, dogs, and Xanax. You can find her at Single Mom: Who Am I?!.

Practicing The Law Of Detachment

2011-06-10T21:32:00.003-04:00

Bev Lloyd-Roberts / Stock Xchng

I've posted about The Law of Detachment before, but after the last few days I've had, it bears repeating:

The Law of Detachment
In detachment lies the wisdom of uncertainty . . . in the wisdom of uncertainty lies the freedom from our past, from the known, which is the prison of past conditioning. And in our willingness to step into the unknown, the field of all possibilities, we surrender ourselves to the creative mind that orchestrates the dance of the universe.

I will put the Law of Detachment into effect by making a commitment to take the following steps:

1.Today I will commit myself to detachment. I will allow myself and those around me the freedom to be as they are. I will not rigidly impose my idea of how things should be. I will not force solutions on problems, thereby creating new problems. I will participate in everything with detached involvement.

2. Today I will factor in uncertainty as an essential ingredient of my experience. In my willingness to accept uncertainty, solutions will spontaneously emerge out of the problem, out of the confusion, order and chaos. The more uncertain things seem to be, the more secure I will feel, because uncertainty is my path to freedom. Through the wisdom of uncertainty, I will find my security.

3. I will step into the field of all possibilities and anticipate the excitement that can occur when I remain open to an infinity of choices. When I step into the field of all possibilities, I will experience all the fun, adventure, magic and mystery of life.

- Deepak Chopra's Daily Class

Wordless Wednesday

2011-06-08T13:36:00.001-04:00

Claiming Pleasure As Your Right

2011-06-03T10:48:00.003-04:00

Joanna Margueritte / Stock Xchng

As women in general, and as mothers in particular, we often tend to be very self-sacrificing. There is nothing at all wrong with this. Selfish people have turned this world into quite a mess, and if more people were self-sacrificing we wouldn't have to deal with many of the horrors we deal with today. What we do wrong, though, is to deny our right to real pleasure. We may allow ourselves pleasure in small ways: the ice cream we eat after the kids are in bed, the guilty pleasures we watch on TV, or the novels we read for fun. Pleasure on a large scale, however, is something that I find women deny themselves regularly. And most mothers, and especially most single mothers, find it difficult to allow grand-scale pleasure in their lives because of the guilt it can cause. This, my sisters, needs to change.

Now is the time to make your life feel good. Is there a trip you always wanted to take? A piece of jewelry you always wanted to buy? A dress, shoes, heck -- a car? If it is within your financial means to do so then please, do it! Dream bigger! Stop waiting for someday. Look at the life you have, place it side-by-side to the life you dream of, and keep focusing on the Dream Life! When you open yourself to living large you do away with the restrictions that you have allowed to be placed on you. Health, finances, location, race, gender -- these are all ways in which others have sought to define us, restrict us, rob us of the fullness of life. No! No more! You get to define the parameters of your life. Even better, remove the parameters altogether and see how your life expands to allow for more full-blown joy and pleasure in your life. No one is responsible for your happiness but you, so get into the game of dreaming and living big. Make a list of the things that seem impossible to you: pleasures you would have, places you would travel to, experiences you would love to have. List only the things that seem unreasonable, impractical, and unlikely. From there all you have to do is start day-dreaming about them. Imagine what it would be like to sit on a dinner cruise in Paris on the Seine. Imagine the wind in your hair, the Champagne on your tongue, and the Eiffel Tower in your sights. Feel those dreams. Sooner than you might think those lines in the sand that were drawn for you will disappear and the impossible can be. And guess what? You deserve that. You deserve to live fully, with great pleasure in your life.

You can do this!

Wordless Wednesday

2011-06-01T15:47:00.000-04:00

Wordless Wednesday

2011-05-25T08:47:00.000-04:00