Wordless Wednesday

Acceptance vs. Tolerance

M_A_Essam / Stock Xchng

M_A_Essam / Stock Xchng

Last week I wrote a post about the difference between acceptance and resignment.  This week I am taking a closer look at the difference between acceptance vs. tolerance.

This last month or two has been fraught with painful news in the media.  The attack against a woman's right to birth control, lawmakers making it okay to lie to women who are carrying fetuses with severe medical issues, racist, hateful reactions to the casting of characters in the Hunger Games movie, and of course, the murder of Trayvon Martin, have brought a heaviness, a hopelessness to my spirit that I am sad to admit I am feeling.  I must be careful, as a Depressive, of what I consume in the way of information and media, because it is all too easy for me to get pulled down into the mire of deep, light-less, pain.  When others suffer, being extremely sensitive, I suffer, too.  As an intelligent, civically, responsible person, though, I also cannot shove my head into the proverbial sand and pretend as if these things are not happening.  I must accept that these things that are happening are true, and yet, I cannot tolerate them.  As a woman, a Black Latina, the mother of a Black son, and a HUMAN BEING, I feel that the U.S. has been falling short of their greatness, and I cannot tolerate the way in which we seem to be going backward to a time of gender and racial oppression.  Not only can I not tolerate it but I do not feel that it should be tolerated.  By anyone.

With my mind filled with the spectre of evil that is seemingly all around me, I stumbled upon Sinead O'Connor's blog and the beautiful post that she wrote in response to the murder of Trayvon Martin.  With that one post, she reminded me that all is not lost.  She reminded me that there are enough people in this world who will not tolerate violence, hatred, and lies.  She reminded me of the role that music has in combating all of the darkness in the world, and that the light of love and hope still exists in so very many of us.  Enough of us, I dare to hope once again, to snuff out the darkness of ignorance forever. 

From one tired, soul-aching Mama to another, thank you, Ms. O'Connor, for that post.  I needed your reminder today.  Thank you.

Wordless Wednesday

Copyright Issa M. Mas

Acceptance vs. Resignation

Asha ten Broeke / Stock Xchng

I've struggled a lot with my weight as an adult.  A lot.  I've yo-yo'd back and forth so many times I've lost count.  Many people tell me that there is nothing wrong with my weight, and that I look fine - great, some even say.  Thing is, when you look in the mirror and don't like what you see, it doesn't matter what others say. 

I have a very curvy body.  Very.  Mostly I am happy with that.  There are days when I wish there a was little less of me, though (who likes a bit of tummy?  Who?  Nobody.), and those are the days that send me into a tailspin of dieting and exercising to get to where I "should" be.

Should.  Such a dangerous word.

I am learning that there is no such thing as "should".  There is what is and there is what isn't.  "Should" does not actually exist anywhere outside of people's judgments. 

In my effort to try to understand the folly of "should", I am looking closely at the difference between having acceptance and being resigned.  I want to accept myself for who I am and the beauty I have just as I am.  What that feels like is resigning myself to being fat and dumpy (have I mentioned that Body Dysmorphic Disorder is a cruel and evil wench?).  I'd like to strike a balance.  I'd like to be in a place where all of my striving, all of the effort I put into my growth as a person, isn't predicated upon the premise that there is something that needs to be fixed.  That I can open myself to new experiences that add to my life without constantly trying to fix myself.

I may never be thinner than I am right now.  I may have to accept that.  If I eat mostly healthy foods (look, I'm not giving up my ice cream for good, ok???), and stay as active as I can, I will have to come to a place of acceptance that this is who I am now.  I will tell myself that I am not resigning myself to my fate of being fat and blah, that I am accepting the beauty that I already do have, instead of constantly trying to look like someone I'm not.  I am challenging myself to be kinder to Issa, to be more accepting of her awesomeness.

Are there ways in which you could be kinder and more accepting of yourself?  I'd bet that there is.

Wordless Wednesday

I'm Joining Nando's 25 Day Challenge!



On April 1st, I’ll be participating in a 25 Day blogger challenge, with the fabulous dating, sex & relationship blogger Nando Rodriguez of Nandoism.com (http://nandoism.com).  "25 Days to a Better YOU!" will inspire you to improve your life!  Personal improvement comes in various flavors: relationships, losing weight, better communication, parenting, job, social, etc., and as a participant, you will have the opportunity to discuss your daily challenge thoughts and journey on Facebook, Twitter and YouTube.  The conversation will keep going for 25 consecutive days (We are not going to leave you out in the dark, Nando will be around with a flashlight shining a light on you and holding your hand “virtually”).
Each day in April there will be a new blog post (either article, video, podcast, interview) that will inspire you to create a better version of yourself!  The focus is not to break you down, but to help create breakthroughs in your life.  We can all use a little direction in our lives and Nando’s "25 Days to a Better YOU!" is a great place to start.

I will be giving away TWO #Nando25 starter kits (U.S. Residents ONLY) to help kick start your journey. But anyone can participate in by visiting his blog (http://nandoism.com) and by following and adding to the conversation on Twitter with the hashtag #Nando25.

To enter and win your own starter kit, post a comment on my Facebook or Blog page (or Tweet me using the hashtag #Nando25), and let me why you want to participate in the 25 day challenge and what you are hoping to improve. Two random people will be chosen and mailed a fabulous starter kit to prep you for April 1st! 

We are so excited, and we hope that you’re excited, to transform your life with positive, sexy, great energy!

The Power Of Perseverance

“There are years that ask questions and years that answer.” - Zora Neale Hurston

ShadowRave / Stock Xchng

It is a very hard thing to do, being still with uncertainty.  With pain.  With fear.  The human urge is to want to make these periods go by faster so that we can be done with them, or, even more often, we want to find a way to dull the sensations of fear and pain with whatever we can get our hands on.  That the opiates one seeks to dull pain only serve to create even more pain in our lives is the ultimate irony.

I am reminding myself today to sit and be still with uncertainty.  To allow pain.  To fully face the fears. 

It is extremely uncomfortable.  I want to run away, sit on a beach somewhere with a Mojito in my hand while Theo splashes in clear blue waters at my feet.  I don't want to be here right now.  Too bad, Issa; here is exactly where you are.  More importantly, here is where you most need to be.  Know why?  Because this is where you find yourself.  If you needed to be elsewhere, you would be.

Be still with the uncertainty.  Face the fears.  Allow the pain.

When it passes, and it always does, you will be stronger, clearer, braver for it.

Just like the brilliant Ms. Hurston wrote, there will be times in your life when you just cannot understand any of it: why things are happening to you, why you've lost what you've lost, why you've been hurt by the people that have hurt you, or why courage seems akin to merely getting out of bed and facing your day.  What saves us, all of us, is that there will also be times during which the answers to those questions will be so clear to us that we wonder how it was possible that we missed it in the first place.

Hold on, dear friends.  That day draws ever closer.