|Laura Glover / Stock Xchng|
I follow a single mom on a social media site who seems to have a very active love life. I, personally, think that's awesome! A mother is still a woman, and women have physical and emotional needs. This mom should embrace her sexuality to its fullest just like everyone else! The one thing that gives me pause, though, is that there seems to be a new picture of her newest guy with her child, about every 5 to 6 months. This mom is young, in her early 20s, but still, I think that there is a certain level of irresponsibility in her introducing each of her new boyfriends to her child. That child's sense of stability has to be getting compromised on some level, and the child watching so much turn-around in her own mother's love life could be giving the wrong impression of what "love" truly is. I don't know, I'm not a psychologist, and I certainly don't aim to judge her, I just know that when I saw the latest picture my gut reaction was, "That poor little kid".
Now, anyone who knows me knows that I am just the slightest bit old fashioned, and that parading men around my kid would never, ever happen. People also know that, when it comes to my kid, if I am going to err it will be on the side of extreme caution. So, to say that I would only introduce my kid to a man who has become my fiance is extreme, and I know that. I'm not for one minute saying that is the way to do it, only that it is the way that resonates with me. For many, introducing their children to their steady boyfriend with whom a monogamous relationship has been established is more than ok, and I agree. As long as the children are seeing a steady, loving relationship, that's what matters, in my humble opinion. I might one day find myself in a strong, steady, monogamous relationship and feel that it is then appropriate to introduce this man to my son. It's absolutely possible. I just think that for me, knowing that the man I'm introducing my child to is willing to go "all in", with me, my child, and any children of his own, seems like a much safer bet in terms of stability and longevity for my son. Is it a guarantee? Of course not! Marriages fall apart every day. I'm no fool. I'm just saying that should it all fall to pieces, at least I can go to sleep at night and say, "I did the best I could to protect my child's innocence according to my conscience". I might still need a Valium to go to sleep that night, but at least I won't want to wash it down with Vodka.
When and if the time comes, I think I would explain to Theo that he doesn't know ALL of Mama's friends, and when I realized that this particular friend was going to be special enough to become family, that is when I decided that he was special enough to be introduced to my baby. Hopefully, that will go a long way toward making sure that he doesn't feel like I kept him in the dark, or that he was "lied" to in some way, and that this random dude just got sprung on him. I don't want him to feel "left out" of my life, but I will also need him to understand that his role in my life is as my child, and as such, I must make executive decisions as to what he needs to know and when. When this man became important enough to be introduced to the most important person in my life, he was, and not a minute before.
What do you think? What's your take on single mothers and dating, and the extent to which their children are exposed to Mom's love life?