Mothers Get In FREE On Mother's Day At Ripley's Believe It Or Not! Times Square

  

 

On Sunday, May 8th, moms who bring their children to Ripley'sTimes Square will receive free admission.  Your family will also receive a free family photo taken among the attraction's exhibits as a souvenir.

For more information on the Mother's Day Special and/or Ripley's Believe It or Not! Times Square, please visit www.ripleysnewyork.com.

Wordless Wednesday

Claiming Your Own Path In Life

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I know for many people in general, but for single moms in specific, our lives may not be what we pictured they would be.  Perhaps you thought you would be married, or in a different career, or in a different town.  Maybe you are feeling a bit like a failure, or at the very least, lost and very far removed from the path you had hoped to be on in life.  I can, with a deep sigh, relate to that.  Ten years ago this is not the life I thought I would be living.  In some ways it is a blessing, because I had been living with infertility for the thirteen years prior to having Theo and was so very pained at the idea of never being a mother.  In other ways, though, it is profoundly disappointing.  Accepting that certain dreams you once had will now probably never come to fruition is difficult.  One must go through the process of mourning the loss of those dreams, and accepting what is, to begin to move forward.  Not always an easy thing to do, and certainly not a speedy process by any means. 

I find that this process of revisiting your hopes and dreams, polishing off the ones that you still have faith in, and laying to rest the ones that have clearly expired, is essential for moving forward in life.  It is also essential for claiming new dreams, and finding new paths that will lead you to new experiences.  Examining how many of those hopes and dreams were really your own and not instilled in you by the conditioning of family or society, is helpful as well.  I, for one, believed that I would always get married - that everyone should get married - and I've come to understand that was never truly my dream.  That was society telling me that as a female that was an important priority in life (damn you, Disney princess movies!!!).  I have come to learn, however, that I don't truly want that, and that while I do enjoy being in love with (and loved by), a man, marriage is a non-necessity.  With that fairly new knowledge, I am able to let go of any "stigma" I felt as a single mother, and as a 37-year-old unmarried woman.

Claiming your own path in life is essential to living authentically, and sadly, so few people fully engage in the process of living authentically.  Being authentic can be difficult, isolating, and lead to you being grossly misunderstood.  And while living your life (any part of your life), on someone else's terms may cause the least amount of waves for you, without those waves you're just floating along in the middle of the ocean, getting nowhere.  Make waves!  Move forward!  Claim your own path!  Claim the joy of being true to yourself and watch how life opens to you.  I have grown quite unfazed by the waves my authenticity creates.  My best friend has told me one of the things she admires about me the most is how little I care about what others think of me.  I came to that place slowly, over many years.  My motto now? 

What others think of me is none of my business. - Dr. Wayne Dyer 

Realizing that I cannot possibly please everyone so I'd better at least be content with my decisions in life was something I have more fully grown into over the years, and I like it here just fine.  You will, too.  Honest.

There may be beliefs that you hold, that upon close examination, may not truly be your own; it will be liberating to not be weighed down by those false beliefs.  I myself am still going through the process of pulling up my beliefs and dusting them off to genuinely examine them.  Can you identify at least one thing that either was never actually your own belief, or a belief of yours that you have since outgrown?  Can you fully let go of that "belief"?  If so, how does that feel?  I'd love to know!

Happy Birthday, Daddy!

 

Today you are 61.  You have been a hero for this nation as a highly decorated member of the Federal Police of the United States of America, risking your life during 9/11 and suffering the consequences of that day still.  You have been a hero to me as a loving, responsible, caring father.  You are now a hero to your grandson as the best Grandpa ever.

You set the bar so high that I may never be able to find a man of your ilk.  I may be destined to be alone in that regard.  If a man is not going to treat me as a beautiful gift then there is little reason for me to stick around.  Your standard of excellence has kept me from too long entertaining those who were unworthy of me.  What a precious gift for a father to give to his daughter.

We have at times disagreed heatedly, and perhaps, hurt each other in the process.  We always, though, come back to love.

Happy Birthday, Daddy!  We adore you.  More than you could ever know.

Wordless Wednesday

Sometimes I Forget That I Am The Cactus Flower



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 When I go through a high level of stress, or when the stress is long-term and constant (or both, as it has been for me during the last 6 months), I start to feel either skinless and raw to the touch, with every little look, comment, or action causing way more pain than would normally occur -- or I get irritable and prickly and snap at people before they can hurt me.  Neither place is a happy one to be in.  It leaves me feeling like I am not truly myself.  When I've overreacted to something I languish in pain about it for days afterward, chastising myself for being so reactionary.  The truth is, though, that when you're fighting depression, sometimes you don't know when to stop fighting.  I've been fighting one thing or another my whole life, so to relinquish the fight, any fight, is utterly foreign to me.  I stand up for myself and those who are in need of defending.  It's who I am.  It does not, however, make for a peaceful existence.  Especially when who you're defending yourself from are your own painful thoughts and emotions, or someone you're forced to interact with even though you wish you didn't have to, like, say, your child's father.

Sometimes, even when I'm feeling prickly, I am aware that I am less like the cactus and more like its flower.  I have grown, through some unfavorable conditions, into a strong, resillient entity that blooms forth a beautiful flower when the circumstances are right.  I can live in intense heat, with hardly any water, and still am able to push from within me a manifestation of my inner beauty.  I don't always feel this way.  Sometimes, the image of me as a cactus resonates more with how I am feeling.  When I'm lucky, though, I feel that beautiful, rare flower that lies within me, and at any moment, with the hug of my child, a kind word from a friend, or a gesture of love from my parents, I remember who I truly am, and I bloom.

If you have been feeling a lot like a cactus lately, trust me, I get it.  I still feel more like the cactus and less like the flower on most days.  The flower is in there though, and it's within you, too.  If all you can do is catch quick glimpses of it at first, that's okay.  The more you pay loving attention to that flower - to your beauty, your essence - the more it will dare to come forth.  So, in those rare moments that you do feel a sliver of goodness, shine a light on that.  Give that flower what it needs to bloom, even if just in small increments at first.  Little by little, we will bloom fully, just like we were always meant to.

Learning To Let Go




Photo Credit: vancity197 / Stock Xchng

  Theo goes for his monthly weekend visitation at his father's today.  It will be his third time.  The last two months I didn't handle visitations so well.  In February I spent the 48 hours preceding his visitation sleepless, in panic attack mode, and physically sick with worry.

In March?  Only marginally better.  And by that I mean hardly at all.

Today, though?  Today I am going to put on my "big girl panties", and grow up.  Are my palms still sweating like mad due to the anxiety of it all?  Uhm, yeah.  Sweating like crazy.  I don't want to let go of Theo, ever, and least of all to someone whose parental judgment is so VASTLY different from my own.  I. Don't. Wan't. To. Let. Go!  And yet, I must.  This will be good training for the future.

There will be more and more instances in this Mama's life, in which I will have to let go of my Pun'kin, whether I like it or not.  For his benefit.  Not for mine, not yet.  Leave it up to me and I'd be the psycho, overbearing mom who still takes her son to his doctor's appointments in his 30s.  Yeah, that's right, I said 30s.  (Stop looking at me like that.)  For my son, though, for Theo to have a happy and healthy life, I must let him go -- in increments, age appropriately, but let him go I must.  And this one weekend a month away from me at a home I have no control over, well, talk about the ultimate training ground.  It would seem that not only is my little guy growing up, but his Mama is, too.

I'm not saying that I won't tear up as I watch my little guy walking away from me while holding his father's hand.  I'm not saying I won't go back upstairs and face the stillness of my home with a deep sense of dread.  I'm not saying that my palms won't sweat with anxiety the entire time he's gone like they did the last two months.  I don't know that I'll feel any differently at all, but what I do know is that I am going to try to use this experience to strengthen myself, and not allow it to make me come undone anymore.  This is our new reality, and like it or not I must accept it with much more grace than I have up until now.  As you can see, like everything else in life, it's still a work in progress, but at least I feel up to the task. 

In the end, there isn't anything I won't do for my boy -- even if it means letting him go.

Wordless Wednesday




Photo Credit: Clix / Stock Xchng

 

A Curve In The Road

Photo Credit: Muris Kuloglija Kula / Stock Xchng

 Sometimes you go plodding along in your life, quite used to the auto-pilot you've been on, and then suddenly there's a curve in the road up ahead - a curve that throws you off of your game, wrenches you out of auto-pilot, and pulls you from your comfort zone.  The curve can be as small as a nasty cold, or as large as the loss of a job, but it's something unforeseen and possibly unpleasant.  Curves in the road have always given me anxiety because I like to see what's coming, which, is ridiculous, because you can't see everything that's coming for you.  Life can bring unexpected events and the best way to deal with them?  Acceptance.  Not always easy, but always the easiest way to deal.

I am learning, ever-so-slowly, that when there is a curve in the road, instead of gripping the wheel extra tight so that I am white-knuckled with apprehension, that I could also ease my grip (to whatever extent that I am able), and have confidence that no matter what comes my way I can and will get through it.  Maybe it will suck.  Maybe there will be loss.  Maybe there will be pain.  It is possible.  That is always possible.  Yet, there hasn't been any instance of pain, no matter how excruciating, that I haven't learned immensely from, so I must try to remember that even in pain there is growth - hell, for me, especially in pain there is growth.  So, even through the darkest times I am cognizant of the fact that I am going through the gauntlet, ultimately, for my highest benefit.  It gives me a sliver of peace through my most turbulent times.

The next time you find yourself craning your neck to try and see what is coming for you around that bend in the road?  Don't bother.  I know, I know, you want to plan for it, you want to be prepared, you want to brace yourself, etc., etc.  I know.  I do as well.  Yet, if we were to place our attention on our ability to positively deal with issues as they arrive, instead of anticipating what can go wrong, we will then free up a great deal of mental and emotional space with which to deal with the issue when (and IF!) it finally arrives.  So, practice with me.  The next time that curve in the road looms ahead, let's try confidence in ourselves as opposed to fear of the unknown.  Regardless of what lays around that bend, we're sure to be the better for it.

Wordless Wednesday

Discussing Choosing Single Motherhood via Adoption on Heartbeat Radio For Women Today!

On Fridays from 12 noon to 1pm, Heartbeat Radio for Women hosts the Mom Hour, where moms with popular blogs and/or websites are invited to be Guest Hosts and talk about subjects that are near and dear to their hearts.  I will be the Guest Host today, Friday, April 1st, so come join me!  I will be talking about Choosing Single Motherhood via Adoption, and the notion that is at times perceived as radical that single motherhood isn't necessarily a circumstance that is thrusted upon women through an unkind fate.  Single Motherhood can also be a choice, a joyful, exciting, and enriching one!

All of you know how very important it is for me to not only be a coach for single moms, but to advocate for us to be viewed in a more positive and accurate light.  Today we'll be talking to Catherine from Mama C and the Boys, who not only chose to be a single mother through an open adoption (and again via a donor), but chronicles the beautiful journey they are on in her blog with wit, warmth, courage, and a transparent sense of pride and joy in her extraordinary yet ordinary family.

If you'd like to call in with any questions or to share your own experience as a woman who chose single parenting through adoption, please call: (352) 728-1410.  Join us!