With all the pain this entire world seems to be experiencing, when I watched the video below I was reminded of the beauty and wisdom of Native American peoples. "Walk gently" on this Earth. Indeed.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
|Photo Credit: Emily Lucima / Stock Xchng|
The Thrifty Hog
11 West 25th St. (between Broadway & Sixth Avenues)
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
|Photo Credit: Cherie Wren / Stock Xchng|
- My left arm is slightly disabled and in a splint
- Financial worries
- Theo's first weekend at his father's house
- Dealing with my Dad's heart condition
- Worrying about the the after-effects my Mom's dealing with from the blood vessels that burst in her brain last April
But mostly? Depression. That's right, Ladies and Gentlemen, the cat's out of the bag. I have been suffering from Depression. And you know what? I have been, for a long, long time. I am not able to take anti-depressants because I have Triple Arrhythmia and it could worsen my irregular heartbeats. So, like with most of the trials in my life, I manage it with little-to-no help. And, considering what I do all by myself, with this burden in my brain constantly threatening to take over, I'm tired of pretending like Depression is something I should hide. Something I should feel ashamed of. Enough. I do something millions of people cannot: I live with un-medicated depression and STILL I rise.
Because of this, though, I have been feeling like a giant FRAUD lately. I am supposed to be coaching you away from the heaviness and darkness that can sometimes creep into the lives of Single Mamas, and here I am, not able to stop crying for weeks on end. FRAUD. I couldn't bring myself to blog because, what the HELL did I have to say to anyone that would be of value? I can't stop the stupid anxiety that makes my hands sweat non-stop for days on end, I'm going to write about how it will all be okay somehow? FRAUD. Everyday I'd think, "I should blog today", and every day I'd get back the same answer in my head, "Don't bother, FRAUD.".
So, as you can see, I spent the last month and a half blog-silent. Well, except for the war inside of me. That was loud as hell.
It took a dear friend to remind me that I could use what I was going through to help others - and, isn't that what I'm all about anyway? The pain I've gone through in having to let my baby go away from me for a whole weekend to stay at a home I've never been to before and how I handled it, THAT will be of use to someone one day. The pain of watching your once indestructible hero of a Dad become so much older, frail - how I best handle that will also be of use to someone one day. And the pain of struggling against depression when all you have is your love for your baby to keep you going? Oh, man, I can TOTALLY help someone through that.
So, today, I am beginning to reclaim my rightful place. As a force to be reckoned with. As a fierce advocate for single parent families. And as just a person, a mom, a daughter, and a friend - one who has her fair share of obstacles but for some reason refuses to lay down and die. There's still a lot of fight in me, yet. And I think we can fight this fight together, you and me. What do you think?