Solitary Classifications
By Aimee B.
I'm a strong believer in the notion of do into others as you wish to be done into you. I recently read a blog post talking about how some parents "feel" like a single parent. I skimmed through the 117 comments and my blood boiled. I vented on twitter a bit, re-centered, and will hopefully put how it feels to hear this as a single parent.
We all have feelings. I feel fulfilled, I feel lonely, I feel excited, I feel smothered, I feel loved, I feel unappreciated, I feel taken advantage of, I feel stressed, I feel peaceful, etc.
CEO of MTV is not a feeling. Widow/widower is not a feeling. African American is not a feeling.
Marriage is not a feeling.
Single parenthood is not a feeling.
The funny thing is, I don't see our culture accepting anyone claiming to feel like a widow, or a CEO, or as someone of a different race/ethnicity than their own. However, "feeling" like a single parent seems to be perfectly acceptable to voice.
Let's take a step back and break this down:
Being a single parent is not an emotion. What emotions are really being felt when someone may say they feel like a single parent? Perhaps unappreciated, loneliness, anger, resentment, exhaustion, helplessness, stress, unhappiness, depression, am I missing anything?
Read that list again.
I feel unappreciated.
I feel lonely.
I feel angry.
I feel resentful.
I feel exhausted.
I feel helpless.
I feel stressed.
I feel unhappy.
I feel depressed.
I cannot deny feeling those things in some degree at various moments. However, those negative emotions do not define my current role as a single parent.
When people interchange negative emotions with the title of single parenthood, they are calling me all of those things.
I am not all of those things.
I am happy.
I am content.
I am appreciated.
I am fulfilled.
I am excited.
I am confident.
I am strong.
I am loved.
When I am having an off day, having troubles with my child, or with co-parenting, or at work, with family, etc, I don't exchange those emotions in those moments and announce that "I'm having a dysfunctional loveless marriage day."
Call what you feel by it's name, not my name.
I am a single parent. I am not your laundry list of negative emotions.
Aimee is a museum educator, creatively starved artist, soon to be 30yr old #aims30before30, & J's soccer/wrestling [semi-single] mum. You can find Aimee at http://msaimeeb.wordpress.com/.
5 comments:
I say I feel like a single parent. For starters, I am single. I currently live with my daughter's father, working on moving out. He is the type that seems to think giving her a kiss on the head in passing counts as being a father. I make sure all her needs have been met everyday. Just me. I am THE single parent.
I absolutely love your post. I never thought of it this way before.
I LOVED this post. I am a single Mom, and have heard the grumbles from parents that 'feel' like single parents. I guess I have never thought of it in this way, but you are absolutely correct! The words Single Parent are automatically associated with all that is overwhelming and full of despair. Certainly everyone feels that at times, but the bottom line is we are all parents...no ones
circumstances are alike. Also I'm pretty happy too, and grateful and humbled; and the experience of parenting alone has been one of my life's greatest blessings.
Thank you so much for this post! You took the words right out of my head!
Aimee, you are now my hero. What you have articulated here I could not. I felt a similar way reading the post and I was REALLY angry about it but I felt BAD, almost GUILTY, arguing the point. You've articulated it so well. How can you know what it feels like to be a single parent until you are one? Do I ever say I feel like an AIDS patient? I feel like I have CANCER? Not that Single parenthood is anything like either of those, but people living with those conditions also maintain their own dignity. THANK YOU for this articulate and frighteningly accurate argument. RIGHT ON!
I love, love, love this post. I knew it bothered me when people said this, but I couldn't quite articulate it right. This says it perfectly. Thank you!!
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