Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
I Love You And I'm Leaving You Anyway
Do you remember the quick post I wrote early last month about the book I was reading that I absolutely loved, I Love You And I'm Leaving You Anyway, by Tracy McMillan? Well, today is my day to host its next stop on the TLC Book Tour, and I'm really glad to be able to tell you a little bit more about it!
As I said in that first post, if you're at all like me (very, very single), you might not even get out of the Introduction before finding yourself nodding your head in recognition. This book is about a woman who had a pimp for a Dad, lived in many foster homes after he was incarcerated, and yet grew up to be a very successful Hollywood writer. What she didn't realize however, was the extent to which the adult relationships she found herself in were all, in their own ways, mirrors of her relationship with her Dad. The ex-pimp. There's a great line in just the Intro alone that spoke to me in such a real way. Tracy speaks to the fact that she knows that she has "Man Issues" because at heart she is conservative about relationships, and I get that because I am too. While I love being a single mama and think that I am particularly well-suited for the job, at heart I would've most liked to have been in, and given Theo, a traditional home life. A husband for me and a live-in Daddy for Theo. I get how she feels about being conservative in that particular sense of the word. There are many other instances throughout the book that resonated with me as well, even though my Dad is an ex-cop and hers is an ex-pimp. Heh! In the end, Daddy issues are Daddy Issues, no matter the shape, color or size of the Daddy in question. Reading Tracy's words was a mixture of fun and catharsis; it's not often you get those two together in the same book.
The wonderful thing about this book is that while it is spectacularly well-written, it is extremely easy to read. It felt, actually, more like you were listening to a new friend who feels like an old one. You know those people you meet and within 10 minutes you find yourself connected to this person as if you've known them all your life? That's what Tracy does in her book. It's a phenomenal gift, and one she wields very well. That couldn't have been easy with this book; a woman coming to terms with the reality that her ex-pimp, mostly incarcerated father has a whole lot to do with why she has been so inept at relationships isn't exactly a light topic. She covers it all, even the most painful bits, with such a light touch however, that she allows you the grace of being able to come into her world yet not be burdened by the heaviness of it. That's some serious talent right there.
I want to give you a play-by-play of the entire book because it was that darn good. What I will say is this: if you find yourself questioning the choices you've made in men throughout your life, if you suspect that you have residual issues with your own father (and, seriously, who doesn't?), or if you would like to know that there is someone out there who had it rough growing up (maybe even rougher than you did) yet still came to a place where she could process it all and come out on the other side grateful for the lessons it brought her about life AND love - then you should really buy this book. I came away entertained, yes, definitely. Tracy is a funny woman. But I also came away in awe of the indomitable spirit of the average human being - and by extension - myself. You can't help but say to yourself when you're done, "If she's finally at this good inner place now, I can be too".
Thanks for that, Tracy.
* I was given the book for free to review but I have not been compensated for this post. The views and opinions expressed are solely my own. The book link above is connected to my Amazon Associates account, and any purchase made from it will give me a small referral fee.
As I said in that first post, if you're at all like me (very, very single), you might not even get out of the Introduction before finding yourself nodding your head in recognition. This book is about a woman who had a pimp for a Dad, lived in many foster homes after he was incarcerated, and yet grew up to be a very successful Hollywood writer. What she didn't realize however, was the extent to which the adult relationships she found herself in were all, in their own ways, mirrors of her relationship with her Dad. The ex-pimp. There's a great line in just the Intro alone that spoke to me in such a real way. Tracy speaks to the fact that she knows that she has "Man Issues" because at heart she is conservative about relationships, and I get that because I am too. While I love being a single mama and think that I am particularly well-suited for the job, at heart I would've most liked to have been in, and given Theo, a traditional home life. A husband for me and a live-in Daddy for Theo. I get how she feels about being conservative in that particular sense of the word. There are many other instances throughout the book that resonated with me as well, even though my Dad is an ex-cop and hers is an ex-pimp. Heh! In the end, Daddy issues are Daddy Issues, no matter the shape, color or size of the Daddy in question. Reading Tracy's words was a mixture of fun and catharsis; it's not often you get those two together in the same book.
The wonderful thing about this book is that while it is spectacularly well-written, it is extremely easy to read. It felt, actually, more like you were listening to a new friend who feels like an old one. You know those people you meet and within 10 minutes you find yourself connected to this person as if you've known them all your life? That's what Tracy does in her book. It's a phenomenal gift, and one she wields very well. That couldn't have been easy with this book; a woman coming to terms with the reality that her ex-pimp, mostly incarcerated father has a whole lot to do with why she has been so inept at relationships isn't exactly a light topic. She covers it all, even the most painful bits, with such a light touch however, that she allows you the grace of being able to come into her world yet not be burdened by the heaviness of it. That's some serious talent right there.
I want to give you a play-by-play of the entire book because it was that darn good. What I will say is this: if you find yourself questioning the choices you've made in men throughout your life, if you suspect that you have residual issues with your own father (and, seriously, who doesn't?), or if you would like to know that there is someone out there who had it rough growing up (maybe even rougher than you did) yet still came to a place where she could process it all and come out on the other side grateful for the lessons it brought her about life AND love - then you should really buy this book. I came away entertained, yes, definitely. Tracy is a funny woman. But I also came away in awe of the indomitable spirit of the average human being - and by extension - myself. You can't help but say to yourself when you're done, "If she's finally at this good inner place now, I can be too".
Thanks for that, Tracy.
* I was given the book for free to review but I have not been compensated for this post. The views and opinions expressed are solely my own. The book link above is connected to my Amazon Associates account, and any purchase made from it will give me a small referral fee.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Sisterhood
Sisterhood is a very interesting thing. You can feel it with complete strangers sometimes in a way that is startling. I had two of those moments this weekend during BlogHer, the first when a fellow blogger struck up a conversation with me, quite on purpose, because she saw the name of my blog on the conference badge I was wearing on a lanyard around my neck.
She had just become a single mother a few weeks ago.
What transpired over the next 20 minutes was validation for me that something I have been mulling over in my heart is something that I simply must do. During those 20 minutes, I was able to talk with her, sharing tools that have greatly aided me in healing and in releasing anger and resentment (well, most of the time), and got her from a place of intense anger, to a tear or two, to feeling stronger and more capable of successfully navigating this next leg of her journey. As we hugged, I got a sense of relief from her, like, "It's ok. She's right. I can do this." And that is exactly why I am so focused on being a Single Parent advocate/support. Taking it to the next step as a Single Parent Life Coach seems logical to me. I've been thinking for a while that my skills, my experiences, my perspective, and even my Buddhist studies, can help other newly single parents who are seriously overwhelmed by entering this new place in their lives. Those who feel lost, are in pain, and may be feeling hopeless or just plain scared. My goal for a long time now has been to grow my websites, articles, and essays into a Life Coach or consulting business for newly single parents. I thought I'd be pretty good at doing speaking engagements for small groups, or individual coaching, on how to move from a place where we lament our fate as single parents to where we can begin to fully embrace this journey and actually enjoy being a single parent. Radical idea, I know. But this weekend taught me I'd be good at it. Damn good, I think.
I also connected with another blogger this past weekend who has been a single mom for some time, and while we did connect because we are single moms who have decided to slowly come out of The Dating Cave we'd each been in for 3 years plus, we also connected because sisterhood is a strange entity that shows itself in places (and with people), you would least expect. I'd like her even if she wasn't a fellow single mom. I could actually see having her over for a glass (or 5) of wine and just laughing at the stupid sh*t just being a woman sometimes brings up in us. She flew back to LA, but something tells me even on opposite sides of this country, that glimpse of sisterhood won't be forgotten.
So, to add to my over-crowded plate, I now plan to take the next step and create an entire business behind this idea. I'm not even sure what the next step is, but I am committed to being an even bigger resource for single parents (and by extension, their children), and so will now begin to put together a business as a Single Parent Life Coach. While this seems a little daunting right now, I have a terrific Ace in my little deck of cards: a licensed psychologist who is also (and has been for many years), a single mom and a support/advocate for other single moms. When I mentioned my idea to her she loved it, and so we have plans to make a date to get together and see what we can create. So, here I go.
Isn't it amazing how "excited" and "terrified' can feel like exactly the same emotion?
She had just become a single mother a few weeks ago.
What transpired over the next 20 minutes was validation for me that something I have been mulling over in my heart is something that I simply must do. During those 20 minutes, I was able to talk with her, sharing tools that have greatly aided me in healing and in releasing anger and resentment (well, most of the time), and got her from a place of intense anger, to a tear or two, to feeling stronger and more capable of successfully navigating this next leg of her journey. As we hugged, I got a sense of relief from her, like, "It's ok. She's right. I can do this." And that is exactly why I am so focused on being a Single Parent advocate/support. Taking it to the next step as a Single Parent Life Coach seems logical to me. I've been thinking for a while that my skills, my experiences, my perspective, and even my Buddhist studies, can help other newly single parents who are seriously overwhelmed by entering this new place in their lives. Those who feel lost, are in pain, and may be feeling hopeless or just plain scared. My goal for a long time now has been to grow my websites, articles, and essays into a Life Coach or consulting business for newly single parents. I thought I'd be pretty good at doing speaking engagements for small groups, or individual coaching, on how to move from a place where we lament our fate as single parents to where we can begin to fully embrace this journey and actually enjoy being a single parent. Radical idea, I know. But this weekend taught me I'd be good at it. Damn good, I think.
I also connected with another blogger this past weekend who has been a single mom for some time, and while we did connect because we are single moms who have decided to slowly come out of The Dating Cave we'd each been in for 3 years plus, we also connected because sisterhood is a strange entity that shows itself in places (and with people), you would least expect. I'd like her even if she wasn't a fellow single mom. I could actually see having her over for a glass (or 5) of wine and just laughing at the stupid sh*t just being a woman sometimes brings up in us. She flew back to LA, but something tells me even on opposite sides of this country, that glimpse of sisterhood won't be forgotten.
So, to add to my over-crowded plate, I now plan to take the next step and create an entire business behind this idea. I'm not even sure what the next step is, but I am committed to being an even bigger resource for single parents (and by extension, their children), and so will now begin to put together a business as a Single Parent Life Coach. While this seems a little daunting right now, I have a terrific Ace in my little deck of cards: a licensed psychologist who is also (and has been for many years), a single mom and a support/advocate for other single moms. When I mentioned my idea to her she loved it, and so we have plans to make a date to get together and see what we can create. So, here I go.
Isn't it amazing how "excited" and "terrified' can feel like exactly the same emotion?
Sunday, August 8, 2010
BlogHer '10
At some point, I will fully digest and process this past weekend, especially my perspective on how the panels went, and then I will share it with you. I can say that friendships were made. And that an epiphany or two was had. And that a role model was found. But there is still much that I'd like to let really sink in before I can write it through. Here is what I can say without a shadow of a doubt though: the power of connection, especially between women - to inspire, heal, enliven and comfort - that power was so palpable at certain moments during this weekend that it moved me. Thank you to the women of BlogHer '10 who connected with me in ways so real that I'm sure it has altered my path in some way or another. Very excited to see where it's leading.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
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