This single mama had a heartbreaking moment last night. After his bath, right before bed, my Theo said to me, "I'm sad". "Why are you sad, Baby?" "I want to see Daddy."
My chest caved in.
It's been almost a month since his father has come to see him. All I can hope for is to somehow find a way to make the fact that his father has difficulty with consistency less of a place of sadness for Theo. Not sure how I will do that. Maybe that's impossible. Yet something inside me feels the need to search through psychiatry, psychology, various forms of spirituality and any other field until I find what will help him accept his father's lack of consistent presence in his life and instead of being sad about it, learn to accept that it's just who his father is and has no bearing whatsoever on who Theo is, or his lovability or worth as a child. I will find a way to help him cope with that.
But first, I need to keep my own heart from spilling blood every time he says those words.
5 comments:
I don't think we ever get over someone breaking our kid's heart. Especially when it's their father. My kids have been going through this for years. All I can tell you is that it gets a little easier...and that's kind of heartbreaking, too. You don't have to do much; just be there for him, and let him express it. But, FWIW, both my girls are in therapy, and I think it helps.
Trust me when I say it will be as big a deal of it to him as YOU make it, especially right now. Be careful that you don't say discouraging things about his dad to him or within ear shot. When he gets older, his memories will be filled with happy times spent with you. Make sure he has time with uncles, grand-dad, or positive male figures you trust as often as possible, make sure they are men you would be proud for him to emulate!
Before my son's father died, he was absent from our lives completely. My son was 2 1/2. He would ask. I would tell the truth, age appropriately. I always acknowledged his sadness and made it safe for him to talk with me. The absence of a father in his life is something that he still deals with, but being able to talk about it is the best gift I can give him.
Our hearts do break for our little ones, but the best thing we can do is be gentle with ourselves, love our kids and teach them the skills that will help them deal with disappointment. These are life skills that they will need. You will be able to help him - you already are!
Oh Gemela, I love you and I know you are there for your son. All you can do is love him and be a positive force. The journey he will experience with his feelings because of his father is unfortunately not something that you can change. These are difficult complicated feelings. As a child that was raised by a single mother and has an open wound when it comes to her relationship with her father, all I can say is be honest with your son about what he can expect from his father, but never speak poorly of his father to him. I think that is one of the things that my mother did right. My feelings about my father are "my" feelings, they are not affected or molded by my mother and as an adult I really appreciate that.
Aw baby. I'm so sorry. Abrazos. No words.
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