On Monday, I was in Hell. Utter Hell. My son's father and I had devolved into the worst place we had ever been, and I was filled with rage, fear, and desperation. I won't go into the specifics of the situation, but let me share something magical with you. That Monday night, I created 2 possibilities for myself. The first was to be a paid Blogger to such a financial extent that I can support my son, my father, and myself. The second possibility I created for myself, was that I could have a peaceful co-parenting situation with my son's father. I've been doing it without him for so long that I didn't want to entertain allowing him back into my son's life at his whim. But then I realized that I have no right to keep my son from having a full relationship with his father, even if we weren't getting along, but that I also needed for the situation to be peaceful. So that night, I created for myself the possibility that I could have a peaceful co-parenting situation with my son's father, and that it would happen by next Monday.
Tall order for those of you who know our history. Trust me, it ain't pretty.
The next day was an extremely emotional day. Although I had created this possiblity of peace, I was still wracked with anger and pain and resentment. Epic internal struggles, rages, hysterical crying jags -- you name it, I went there. To top it off, I had to go to Family Court that day to petition for sole custody for my son, and that petition had to be served to my son's father by a third party. After leaving Family Court, I called my cousin who knows my son's father in hopes that he would serve him for me. As I began to explain the situation I started to cry so hard that he cut me off mid-sentence and just told me he would meet me at my apartment in an hour.
When he finally arrived, he informs me that my son's father is also coming; someone I felt nothing but rage for at the moment, someone who I haven't spoken to since December, and generally the last person in the entire Universe I wanted to see or speak to. I told off my cousin for orchestrating that - I only wanted him to serve him the damn papers! - and I went to leave, but he calmed me down and told me that because he had gone through a similar issue with his son's mother, that he knew that what we needed most was to talk face-to-face with others around. Something in me relented and I waited.
When he arrived it was tense and at first it seemed it would be explosive and a complete failure, but after almost 2 hours something miraculous happened. We reached a friendly place. A respectful place. A peaceful place. The peaceful place I spoke into existence for myself for the following week.
And I created it in 21 hours. 21 hours.
So, if someone ever asks you if miracles can happen, tell them absolutely. But only if you create the possibility for them.