My therapist said I was too challenging! And not in a good way either. She basically said that she found it hard to be my therapist because I was so challenging. So now I can add her to my list of ex-boyfriends -- people who think I'm too much of a challenge, and people I never want to see again.
No, seriously. She said because I was so adept at self-processing I made it seem like I wasn't open to the process of therapy, and when I told her of course I am -- here I am, sitting in a therapist's office once a week for the past month, something I wouldn't do if I wasn't open to the process, she said that I seemed guarded and that she didn't know if I was accessible. Now, she's had some really good insights about me -- the best being that it would seem that in my relationships with men, I tend to want to have a connection with them but as soon as they disappoint me in any way that I pull all the way back and become overly independent. That I need to find balance (no secret there), in order to maintain healthy relationships. She also said that because I have some Daddy issues (as do most women, I'm sure), that I tend to look for perfection in my man, and then when he eventually falls short of said perfection, I drop him like a hot potato. Very true. More balance needed there. Got it.
But this whole "being too self-processing" thing? I told her that I always thought that being able to self-process, be introspective, and to be self-analytical were gifts! That these gifts allowed me to correct ways of thinking and behaving that were negative, unhealthy, and unproductive. That I've changed a lot in my life -- for the better -- because I was able to self-analyze and see where I needed to do things differently. Well, she actually said I do too much, that the fact that I have done a lot of research on things to help myself over the years was a sign of being overly independent, and that I needed to allow for the process of therapy to act like a "guided meditation" so that I'm not always doing it alone.
No shit, lady. Why do you think I'm in your office?
She made it all seem so negative though. I have another appointment for next week, but I'm SERIOUSLY considering getting another therapist. I am well aware that therapy is a relationship, and that you have to find the right therapist for you -- not all of them will work well with you. I had hopes for this one, but I left her office today feeling bad about myself, as if I was a screwed-up person for being "overly" independent, self-processing, and proactive about researching subjects that would in any way be of help to me. I was choking back tears as she oh-so-gently told me I was too much of a challenge, and that maybe she needed to rethink how she was going to go forward in our therapy meetings. Then she said if I was willing to come back and give it another "try" she was willing as well. The smart-ass in me wanted to tell her it wasn't my fault that her other patients were dumb as friggin' rocks and had no intellectual, emotional, or spiritual depth -- and that because of that she had grown complacent and lacked the skills to treat a highly evolved neurotic as opposed to the low-brow whiners she must see all day.
I kept it to myself though.
I just can't believe it. Even my damn shrink thinks I'm too much of a challenge. Un-friggin'-believable.
3 comments:
I'm sorry, but that is just funny! I went to a therapist once or twice and that was that. It didn't really help, because it wasn't what I needed.
I don't know why you see one. But you seem like a very intelligent woman. What's wrong with that? You think for yourself -- that's a great thing! You're talented and self-confident, be proud!
You'll have to keep us updated on the Therapist Saga, sounds like it may have some good episodes yet!
My kids went to a therapist too but I felt it was a waste of time and money.
I think sometimes therapy can be very helpful but mostly it just helps you focus way too much on past drama.
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