A Sobering Week

My father went suddenly blind in his right eye on Monday. He is a Federal Police Officer and a two-time hero at both bombings at the World Trade Center; the one in February of 1993 and of course again on 9/11. He is not only my hero, but a hero to the lives he has saved many, many times over. This man, my father, while at work, went suddenly blind in his left eye on Monday. They raced him from 26 Federal Plaza where he is stationed to St. Vincent's hospital because they knew - he was having a stroke. Suffice it to say, although his vision came back because the blood clot that escaped from his heart and caused his temporary blindness moved onwards and didn't lodge, he has had to deal with other issues now. They performed mildly invasive procedures, the last one, today, involved pushing a catheter into a vein into his heart and placing a stent to keep the arterial blockage from breaking off and killing him. He will have to be on blood thinners to prevent another blood clot from forming and then dislodging from his heart and killing him. He (as well as I), have faced his mortality this week in a way that all of his years in law enforcement never seemed to do.

As he lay there awaiting the procedure, I could see fear etched all over his face. It was a fear that he surprisingly voiced. This is a man who ran into a building that had just been bombed, and went in blindly because the smoke was so thick you literally couldn't see your hand an inch away from your nose, and yanked people out to safety - and went back again to save more people - FOUR TIMES. This is a man who has received not one, but two Medals of Valor from the United States government for his deeds as a Federal Police Officer; and this man lay on that bed -- small, unsure, and afraid. I cannot begin to explain how that rocked me to the core.

As a very single mother, I place a lot of importance on my father's role as the primary male role model for my son. My Dad is several sandwiches short of a full picnic, LOL, but he embodies many of the qualities I hope my son will as well one day -- responsibility, forthrightness, dependability, caring, generosity, and so many others I couldn't begin to list them all. I want my father to live a long time because I love him and I cannot bear the thought of the excrutiating pain I will face the day I lose him. But more importantly, I want my father to live a long time so that my son can see that he comes from good stock, and that he has it in him to be a truly great man. My Dad and I have had our share of ups and downs, but this week has reminded me that no matter how annoyed I may get with him sometimes, he is truly, truly one of the most precious things in my life. My son and I need him and he isn't allowed to go anywhere for a very long time.

I want to take this moment and offer immense gratitude to the Universe for seeing my father through this trying time. As men go, my guys, my father and my son, are the Alpha and the Omega in my world, and I appreciate You helping me to keep that balance still. I am not ready for him to "go gentle into that good night", I will fight to keep him here much longer still; thank you, Universe, for not making me fight too hard.