It ain't easy. And it ain't for the weak of heart.
Sometimes it hurts. Like today. Saying goodbye to my baby boy at his sitter's house so I can go off to a job I don't want to be at so I can support him and I both. I have to consciously choose happiness in order to do that. I am grateful for my job. It allows me to feed, house and clothe my son and I. So I choose to be happy about the fact that I have a job that pays well. I am not happy being away from my son though, not at all. I am happy when I envision he and I out and about in the city on a Wednesday afternoon. I'm happy when I envision the Universe supporting us well without me having to leave him to go to an office to do so. I am happy when I feel the softness of my baby's hand against my lips, so I choose to remember that when I am at work and sad so that I am actively choosing happiness all over again. I am happy when I can go shopping for something Theo or I need and not have to worry about whether or not I can afford it. So I choose to be grateful for the 9 to 5. I choose happiness so that I can keep myself from the yawning chasm that is Darkness on days like today.
I choose happiness because I want my son to grow up and be able to say, "I had a truly happy childhood." I choose happiness because I've seen the alternative and I won't ever go back there again. I choose happiness because I'm just starting to figure out that I deserve it, dammit. I deserve it! I choose happiness because I'm just starting to believe that I actually have the power to create my life the way I'd like most to. I know that I always knew it on the spirit level, but I'm just starting to think that I am actually capable of manifesting a happy life in any real, consistent way.
So, I choose happiness. It ain't easy. Like I said. And it ain't for the weak of heart. But I don't have a choice. Once you know, you cannot UN-know. And what I know is that I AM THE CREATOR OF MY BEAUTIFUL, JOYOUS LIFE. And I will continue to choose happiness, every time. Even if it ain't easy.
Sometimes it hurts. Like today. Saying goodbye to my baby boy at his sitter's house so I can go off to a job I don't want to be at so I can support him and I both. I have to consciously choose happiness in order to do that. I am grateful for my job. It allows me to feed, house and clothe my son and I. So I choose to be happy about the fact that I have a job that pays well. I am not happy being away from my son though, not at all. I am happy when I envision he and I out and about in the city on a Wednesday afternoon. I'm happy when I envision the Universe supporting us well without me having to leave him to go to an office to do so. I am happy when I feel the softness of my baby's hand against my lips, so I choose to remember that when I am at work and sad so that I am actively choosing happiness all over again. I am happy when I can go shopping for something Theo or I need and not have to worry about whether or not I can afford it. So I choose to be grateful for the 9 to 5. I choose happiness so that I can keep myself from the yawning chasm that is Darkness on days like today.
I choose happiness because I want my son to grow up and be able to say, "I had a truly happy childhood." I choose happiness because I've seen the alternative and I won't ever go back there again. I choose happiness because I'm just starting to figure out that I deserve it, dammit. I deserve it! I choose happiness because I'm just starting to believe that I actually have the power to create my life the way I'd like most to. I know that I always knew it on the spirit level, but I'm just starting to think that I am actually capable of manifesting a happy life in any real, consistent way.
So, I choose happiness. It ain't easy. Like I said. And it ain't for the weak of heart. But I don't have a choice. Once you know, you cannot UN-know. And what I know is that I AM THE CREATOR OF MY BEAUTIFUL, JOYOUS LIFE. And I will continue to choose happiness, every time. Even if it ain't easy.
2 comments:
Your son is so beautiful he is truly blessed to have you as his mother. You are an inspiration. Stay strong.
Lockness
Hello. This post is likeable, and your blog is very interesting, congratulations :-). I will add in my blogroll =). If possible gives a last there on my blog, it is about the Projetores, I hope you enjoy. The address is http://projetor-brasil.blogspot.com. A hug.
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